Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2022

Doing a worst list for 2022 seemed like a very obvious thing for this blogpost of mine, and I think it's finally time I get to it. This list is extremely late, I know, but I've just been finding it so hard to gain the motivation to write anything lately. I'm trying to get back into it, and to an extent I've succeeded, but I'm still not writing nearly as much as I should be. I'm getting there, however.

But that's enough about me, these are the worst hit songs of 2022. 2022 was, for the Hot 100, a pretty stale year. It didn't feel like anything was happening and the charts were beyond static. Take a look at the 2022 Year End Top 100 and you'll see a lot of 2021 hits and way too many Christmas songs. There were highlights this year of course. Kendrick Lamar's fantastic album "Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers" comes to mind. But going solely off the big hits, 2022 was incredibly uneventful. Hell, doing this list made me question if I should expand the definition of "hit song" due to all the 2021 hits and Christmas songs, but in spite of that I kept the same rules I usually do. A bad choice? Maybe, but I think this blogpost will satisfy enough people regardless.

Anyway, without further ado, let's go through the worst songs that 2022 had to offer.

10

I actually think this is a pretty fitting cover for this song. It perfectly illustrates exactly what it is. So, "To the Moon" by Jnr Choi and Sam Tompkins is, on its own, pretty awful. As a drill rap song, this just sucks. It consists of a sample of Sam Tompkins's cover of Bruno Mars's "Talking to the Moon", which plays throughout the entirety of the song and it gets old fast. Add in some messy, unfitting production and a joyless, droning vocal performance from Jnr Choi, and you have a forgettable and repetitive drill rap song. However, that isn't the end of the story here. I, of course, need to talk about how this song became a hit. "To the moon" is a common phrase used when talking about stocks. When a stock is "going to the moon", it is going up. This phrase became popular with cryptobros and Musk fans. A very sad group of individuals idolizing a corrupt union-busting billionaire who doesn't give a damn about them and investing in the most obvious scam since the Nigerian Prince emails. And now, since this song is called "To the Moon", it's associated with cryptocurrency and it became a major hit, complete with a single cover featuring a Musk tweet where his profile picture looks like a dick. Couldn't be more fitting. If I have anything else to say, it's that cryptocurrency has no use and it's terrible for the environment. Banning it was one of China's rare W's.

9

Sometimes we need happy songs about how great it is to be friends with someone. But not this. Definitely not like this. This is "I Like You (A Happier Song)" by Post Malone and Doja Cat. I've never liked Post Malone. He's always come off as a boring, very milquetoast rapper who never takes risks or innovates. The only songs I've liked from him are "Circles" and maybe "Goodbyes". As for Doja Cat, I have more positive feelings toward her, and I like some of her songs, but I wouldn't call myself a fan. Of course, talking about my feelings on Post Malone and Doja Cat is probably useless here because on this song they're sapped of any and all personality and become bland and more than replaceable. They don't have any chemistry together so this song feels really forced. The writing is pretty bad too. The phrase "I like you, I do" being like half of the chorus is already embarrassing but it gets even worse. Remember when I said this song was about friendship? Well, according to the song, the girl has a boyfriend, and there are way too many lyrics that suggest these two are going to run off and ditch this guy completely. Post Malone says that "your boyfriend will never understand me", and Doja Cat even says "I know that you want lil' ol me". This all makes it sound like these two want to be more than just friends, and it makes them come off as kind of shitty. Regardless, the writing is sloppy and this song overall is a huge bore. Let's move on. 

8

2022 was a big year for Bad Bunny. His album, "Un Verano Sin Ti" was the biggest album of the year and 7 songs from it made it onto the 2022 year end Top 100. What I'll say next might sound controversial, but honestly, I don't get what the fuzz is about with this album. It's okay, but one of the best of the year? Not to me at least. Then again I'm not actually a music critic, just someone on the internet LARPing as one, so what do I know? Anyway the worst song on that album was also one of the songs that became a major hit, "Después de la Playa". Musically, this sounds like an unfinished mess of half baked ideas. The production starts with this ugly mess of low synths that aren't mixed well. And then, about a minute in, it transitions into a merengue session which again, just sounds unfinished and poorly mixed. Bad Bunny's vocals don't match the rest of the music at all and the final result sounds very slapped together. To make matters even worse, assuming the genius.com translation is correct, the lyrics portray Bad Bunny as a total douche. "Después de la Playa" translates to "After the Beach" and the lyrics tell a story of a guy trying to get a girl to cheat on her boyfriend with him. And then later on in one of the interludes, the same guy says he went out with someone else's wife once and that "God has forgiven him for it" but her husband hasn't. It's thoroughly unappealing and miserable, much like the song itself. I'm sure a lot of people like this, but it's a hard pass for me.

7

I never liked Morgan Wallen. He only ever had one good song, that being "7 Summers", with everything else being the kind of mediocre standard country music you'd expect to get played on mainstream radio. But it wasn't until the turn of the decade when he really started to show how dislikable he is as a person. In 2020 he got arrested outside Kid Rock's bar and broke quarantine procedures. And then in 2021, he got recorded saying the N word. Actually, that's not the full story. He called someone else the N word derogatively (and yes it was the version ending in -er). He has since apologized for this, but either way it's enough to leave a bitter taste in my mouth. In 2022, after a one year absence he returned to the charts, appearing on 5 songs on the 2022 Year End. Of them, "You Proof" is certainly among the worst, being a painfully bitter breakup song about sulking in your own misery and drinking to forget your past relationship. You can't feel sorry for Morgan Wallen here because he specifically says he's drinking to forget his ex, and he is trying extremely hard to do that. At least in "Whiskey Glasses" he said he was drinking to forget the pain of the breakup. That song wasn't good, but at least you could feel sympathy for him. Here, he's doing it only to forget his ex, which makes him come off like a pathetic loser. The instrumentation sucks too. It's dull, grey, ugly sludge and Morgan Wallen isn't giving his best vocal performance. I could say I want to drink to forget this song but that'd be such a predictable way to end this entry so I'll leave it at saying Morgan Wallen sucks and I do not look forward to his album next month.

6

Here's another awful country song. Something I want to mention about 2022 is that there were like 26 country songs on the year end, which is insane. In spite of that, 2022 didn't really feel like a big year for country music. Many of the country songs that did become major hits ended up feeling like filler that only got by on radio play. Case in point, "She Likes It" by Russell Dickerson and Jake Scott. It has barebones country instrumentation featuring two guys with absolutely no charisma. Yeah, this song is so lacking in any interesting qualities that it's staggering. It tries to be laid back but it just ends up being lazy. What else can I even say about it? I could say the writing kind of sucks because it does. It's about how this guy's girlfriend likes it when he does certain things. It's basic stuff too like wearing a suit, watching her favorite movie, or pouring her tequila. If this sounds like nitpicking then it is because I don't know what else to say about this song. It's just so blatantly inessential that there's not much you can say about it. And that pretty much describes the general state of country music in 2022. It feels like all these songs got onto the year end by complete coincidence or a lack of any real competition than anything else. The songs just came and went without leaving any impact, and it's kind of sad. Country fans deserve better. As for this awful fusion of bro country and boyfriend country? Let it rot.

5

Is it even necessary to write an introduction for this one? You all already know what this is. But for the one of you who doesn't, this is "abcdefu" by Gayle, a painfully stupid and insipid song that was everywhere in 2022. This song blew up on TikTok and it sure sounds like it because it's the exact kind of annoying, amateurish schlock that's best suited for ten second intervals. This song and "Victoria's Secret" by Jax (which would've definitely made this list if it made the Year End) have this same kind of cheap and fake quality. Almost like they were made from a lab program trying to generate the most basic sounding song ever. Of course, while saying this song is "basic" is true, it doesn't account for the fact that this entire song is built on such a dumb premise (or maybe it does considering how awful AI art is). "ABCDEFU" is probably the dumbest thing you could ever say to tell off an ex. It's the kind of thing a 10 year old would say. As a song about telling off an ex, this doesn't work at all. In these kinds of songs you always want to come out looking like the better person and saying "ABCDEFU" is doing the opposite of that. Like, take a look at "Irreplaceable". You look back at that song and realize (at least I did) how much power and personality Beyoncé has on that track. Saying she can easily find another man exactly like her ex is a great way to tell off an ex. Meanwhile in this song Gayle comes off like a child who still uses "I know you are but what am I?" This song is a joke and there's probably no way it could've ever been good. It was already dead on arrival when it was first thought up.

4

Aside from songs sounding like they were entirely made for TikTok, another one of the worst trends in music in 2022 was this trend of incredibly lazy sampling. I'm not sure how this came up, but there were a ton of songs in 2022 that were just so lazy with their samples, and 3 of them made it onto the 2022 Year End. Yeah, I'm doing a 3-way tie here, if you couldn't already tell. Some might say this is cheap, and it probably is, but since all these songs have the exact same problem I can't find it in me to care. First up is "First Class" by Jack Harlow, which samples "Glamorous" by Fergie and Ludacris. The sample is slowed down and reverbed, making it sound awful. Aside from that nothing new is done with it and the rest of the beat is dull. Jack Harlow's verses here feel very slapped together and the way he interpolates the chorus from "Glamorous" is clumsy and forced. Next is "Big Energy" by Latto, which samples "Genius of Love" by Tom Tom Club. Since "Genius of Love" has been sampled so many times, what does this song do to stand out? Nothing, the beat here is literally just the beat to "Genius of Love" with almost no changes. Also, Latto is a boring rapper with no presence or personality and it was produced by rapist Dr. Luke. And finally, "Super Freaky Girl" by Nicki Minaj, which samples "Super Freak" by Rick James. Again, the same problems. Nothing new is done with the sample and Nicki Minaj's verses feel extremely slapped together. Not even MC Hammer was this bad. There were more of these songs too. "I'm Good (Blue)", "Staying Alive", and "Betty (Get Money)", and I just want this to stop. When you use a sample, you have to do something new with the material. Otherwise you come off like you're too lazy to make your own song.

3

You all remember "Fancy Like" right? It was universally hated and one of the worst songs 2021 had to offer. Well the guy behind it, Walker Hayes, scored another hit in 2022 with "AA", and it's almost as bad. Musically it has the same problems. The instrumentation is hokey and sounds like the poorly mixed cheap shit you'd hear from the worst advertisements. Walker Hayes is an awful singer who sounds like he's just phoning in his performance to get a paycheck. If "Fancy Like" was an Applebee's advert, then this is an Alcoholic Anonymous advert. Yes I know he specifically says he's trying to stay out of the group but with how cheap this song sounds and how it presents its subject matter, it might as well just be a promotion. And how exactly is this subject matter presented? Well, Walker Hayes is just a good Christian man trying to do his best. Saying he wants to keep his sons out of jail and his daughters "off the pole" (in my experience anyone who says they are specifically trying to keep their daughter from being a stripper is bad news), and he's going to church. This whole "every man" shtick was already old ten years ago and it's incredibly unconvincing coming from Walker Hayes, a country star whose songs always sound like they were made for commercials. If I can grant this song anything, it's not quite as awful as "Fancy Like", so if Walker Hayes keeps this rate of improvement up he might even be making mediocre music by 2052.

2

You know, on one hand it's amazing to have a song by a non-binary person and a trans woman top the charts in multiple countries, as well as win the award for Best Pop Duo/Group Performance at the Grammys. It's a major positive for trans representation in the music scene. On the other hand, "Unholy" by Sam Smith and Kim Petras is fucking terrible. Literally any other trans song would've deserved to see this level of success more. Where do I even start? I guess I could start by saying Kim Petras is not exactly a great person, considering her continual partnership with rapist Dr. Luke and the fact that she constantly defends working with him, but since Dr. Luke didn't produce this particular song I feel I'd probably just be wasting my time. Getting to the song itself, the production is a complete disaster. It combines elements of gospel and hyperpop extremely haphazardly with the weirdly heavy bass synth, the clanking percussion, and the backing choir effect which sounds awful. It makes this song a nightmare to listen to. Abrasive songs still need to have cohesion in the elements of their production, and everything here clashes so hard it's headache inducing. As for the writing, this is a song about a man cheating on his wife with a prostitute. Certainly an act that can be called "unholy". Too bad Sam Smith doesn't even remotely match the tone here. Sure, Kim Petras can pull off the raunchy material in the lyrics, but Sam Smith's performance here sounds too smooth and almost too apprehensive for it. It's not like they can't do sex songs so I don't know what the hell happened here. This song will probably stick around in history and be remembered for a long time, and that kind of sucks. It's certainly ambitious, but when ambition backfires, it backfires hard.

Dishonorable Mentions

• Kodak Black- Super Gremlin
• Elton John, Dua Lipa- Cold Heart
• Imagine Dragons, JID- Enemy
• Morgan Wallen- Wasted on You
• Gunna, Future ft. Young Thug- Pushin P
• Dove Cameron- Boyfriend
• Doja Cat- Get Into It (Yuh)
• Bad Bunny, Rauw Alejandro- Party
• Parmalee- Take My Name
• Future- Puffin on Zootiez
• Kane Brown- Like I Love Country Music

And the worst hit song of 2022 is...

1

And Morgan Wallen makes his second appearance on this worst list (third if you count dishonorable mentions), alongside Lil Durk with "Broadway Girls", which is such a detestable song no matter how you look at it. First things first, the writing is terrible. Morgan Wallen and Lil Durk are complete arrogant douchebags here who complain about how bad and dishonest the women of the Broadway in Nashville are. And what did these women do that was so bad? Nothing. Literally fucking nothing except be a little upset they couldn't have their phone at Jason Aldean's bar. Also, in Lil Durk's verse he says the woman he was talking to said she wasn't into rap. That was literally it. Apparently that's enough for this song because it treats these women like they're being so awful to these men. It's blatantly sexist bullshit. And it gets even worse because at the beginning of the song, Morgan Wallen says one of the women gave him her phone number. She literally gave him her phone number and he's still complaining about how awful and untrue they are. This is some of the most pathetic, whiny shit I've ever seen in a hit song. Musically this song doesn't even attempt to make the country and hip hop elements come together naturally. The distorted guitars and cheap trap hi-hats always sound like they're working against each other, and Morgan Wallen's vocal performance is beyond terrible and unfitting. According to wikipedia, this is his first time singing in a trap song and it shows. Lil Durk isn't much better. His yelping sounds poorly mixed and it gets annoying fast. I can not think of a single positive quality in this song. It is completely unappealing, through and through. Just a song about two sexist assholes complaining about how awful women are to them for not immediately liking everything they do with awful vocal performances over a cheap mess of a beat. A painfully whiny and miserable song. All of this makes "Broadway Girls" the worst hit song of 2022.

Well, those were the worst songs of 2022. I hope you enjoyed this blogpost. Not much else to say except I hope 2023's better? We'll see. Anyway, goodbye.