The Face of TG Storytime Part 5: "Fangs" by Misaania Review

The Face of TG Storytime

Part 5: "Fangs" by Misaania Review

tw // death, torture

Well, time for a change of pace. A review without any quote screenshots. I’m interested in seeing how this will turn out. I will be making one change that I didn’t mention in the previous post. I will be including direct quotes from the story in text form. This is just a shit ton easier and quicker than screenshots, and it avoids the problem of the screenshots not showing on certain devices. Really, it’s a win for everybody. Either way, let’s get to this review.

“Fangs” was first posted by user “Misaania” in August 2015. The story got 15 chapters in, with the last chapter being posted in January 2017, before it was entirely rewritten. And I do mean entirely, the rewritten version of this story is completely different from the original. The rewritten version began being posted sometime in 2018, and was finished in September 2019.

In total, the old version is 89K words, and the new version is 155K words, coming together to form 245K words. If you put them together, this is the third longest story I’m reviewing in this series, but since they’re not connected in any way I don’t see any point in doing that.

I’ve decided to call the original version of this story the “old” version and the rewritten version the “new” version for simplicity’s sake.

This is a TG Storytime exclusive story, it hasn’t been posted on any other site. And the version that’s on TG Storytime as of today is the new version. All 15 chapters of the old version are, however, still accessible via the internet archive.

Which brings us to the problem of how I am going to review this story. I’m certain that Misaania is aware the old version of “Fangs” is available on the internet archive, but that doesn’t mean it’s not disrespectful to do a long review of a work that the author themselves rewrote. Even if I continued inserting quote screenshots of these stories in these reviews, I definitely wouldn’t do so for this story specifically because of that very reason. And it should go without saying that I’m not including any quotes from the old version.

With that being said, the old version of “Fangs” was still one of the most popular stories on TG Storytime, and it was already in the Top 25 before the new version replaced it. So I feel it’s important to talk about it.

So, what’s the solution here? Well, I’m mainly only going to focus on the new version in this review. I will bring up the old version occasionally as a comparison, but I’m not going to make a direct review of it.

To sum up my thoughts on the old version, I think it’s an alright enough high school coming of age story, but with it being unfinished and seemingly not close to the end, there’s only so much I can say. For what we got, the story seems a bit aimless, like a collection of scenarios the MC, Verona, gets into, rather than a fully fledged plot. Verona gets some development as a character, but the story could’ve definitely benefited from delving into more of her past, because, despite the fact that she’s the MC and the story is written in first person, it feels like we don’t know a lot about her. There’s a lot of side characters who just kind of feel there, and they don’t make much of an impact.

For a coming of age story, it doesn’t feel like Verona grows and develops much. All of her skills were simply given to her by chance. It’s common in fantasy stories for the MC to be overpowered, but even still the MC does accomplish something with their powers, and that’s not something I feel Verona ever does.

The story was unfinished, but even with 15 chapters it feels a bit lacking in substance. It has its moments, and Verona is, for the most part, a well written MC and a good portrayal of a stressed, confused teenager thrust into a strange new world, but overall it’s just underwhelming.

Rating: 6/10

Alright, now it’s time for the main part of this review, the new version of Fangs. Let’s get to it.

Before I get into anything, I feel the need to mention TG Storytime’s average rating system. Each user can review a story and give it a score from 1-5 stars. The average rating on display in the heading of the story supposedly shows the average rating of all these individual user ratings. I say “supposedly” because whatever algorithm the site uses to calculate it is total bullshit. I’m not sure how it works, but I have seen so many stories drop from an average rating of 5/5 to 4.5/5 for literally no reason. Sometimes not even due to any new reviews coming in. It’s stupid. For the most part you can just ignore the so-called “average rating” altogether.

“Fangs” starts with a teenage boy named Blake Singles hanging out with two of his friends. After one of those friends hits a ball too far away, Blake has to go get it. He ends up getting chased by a group of muggers and runs into a large maze. He accidentally falls into a trap room with no way out, and he’s forced to re-enact the scene from “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” where they have to guess which grail is the Holy Grail. Basically, there are a number of chalices and only one of them will grant him the power to escape. The rest will kill him instantly. A magic plaque in the room that responds to everything he says also says he will be granted “great power not seen in centuries”.

After drinking from the correct chalice, he passes out and wakes up in an unfamiliar mansion. He finds himself thrust into the world of non-humans, which include vampires, werewolves, succubi and incubi. He also finds that he has transformed into a vampire, and a girl.

Essentially the chalice he drank out of held the blood of the long dead Verona Tares, an extremely powerful vampire called a “Progenitor” (there are three types of vampires in this story, progenitors are the most powerful, then “pure blood” vampires, then “half blood” vampires). Drinking the blood of a pure blood or progenitor will make you either a pure blood or progenitor and also change your appearance to that of the vampire the blood came from.

Blake takes on the name “Verona Tares”, and the head of the mansion, Summer Thornton, promises to protect Verona and get her prepared for an eventual life as the leader of the non-human world. She gets enrolled in the local school for non-humans, the “Thornton Academy”, for her education.

I think that was a pretty solid summary. Hopefully I don’t waste time continuing to summarize like I did last time.

Everything about that summary is the same in both versions of the story. They both have the same basic premise, except that the old version is mainly a high school coming of age story and the new version is mainly a political drama.

Summing up my full thoughts on “Fangs”, honestly I find it to be underwhelming and heavily flawed. I don’t think the story is very good, and there are a number of reasons why.

The first thing I want to mention is that this story has a bit of a plot hole that isn’t a huge deal but does bother me, mostly because the story had many opportunities to address it and make it not an issue.

It’s said many times that it is incredibly important that no one finds out Verona is a pure blood vampire. The pure blood vampires and progenitors are all extinct and have been for centuries, so finding out a new one has come into existence could end up being very dangerous for her and for non-human society.

Scylla approaches and leans in to whisper in my ear. “You might want to be careful with how loud you talk. We can’t have everyone learning who you are.” Her voice is barely detectable, even with my ears. It’s unlikely anyone eavesdropped. I nod and then the four of them head to the back of the class, leaving me standing by his desk.

The problem? Despite the fact that the story states many times Verona can’t be found and needs to hide her identity, she still gets enrolled into the Thornton Academy, publicly under the name “Verona Tares”.

Remember when I said that drinking the blood of a pure blood vampire or progenitor makes someone gain the form of that vampire? Well, as a later chapter shows, Verona’s appearance has been shown in paintings and other forms of art, publicly throughout the world, including the human world.

I nod. I take a close look at the door. An oak tree, with various windows into the history of Pangea. It comes as a surprise to me to find a familiar face looking back at me near the base of the tree, from when the Spanish first landed on Pangea’s shores. That face staring back at me is the face I now wear. It comes as a surprise to see that there are still signs of Verona’s influence outside of non-human secrecy. I push the door open, entering the office with Leliana following.

Combine this with the fact that new progenitors and pure bloods taking the form of their descendants and even taking on their name seems to be common knowledge, and the problem is pretty clear.

The students at Thornton are also being taught about the different progenitors, including Tares.

Stanley clears his throat and I look at him, where he stands by the blackboard, with a wooden pointer, which reminds me of a wand. He taps the board. Even in the darkness, I can see the names clearly; in fact, the darkness, while I know its there, barely seems noticeable. My eyes seem to cut through it, like the moon is shining directly on the writing. The names of the eight families are written on it, with two families each being connected to the words pureblood: Verona, pureblood: Dracula, pureblood: Gaia, and pureblood: Reishi. Above them are their respective Progenitors names.

With all this in consideration, I find it very hard to believe that no one at the school ever finds anything suspicious about the fact that a student with the name “Verona Tares” who looks similar to the original Verona Tares has suddenly popped up.

If Summer had just said they couldn’t enroll her as “Verona Tares” and could only enroll her as “Verona” for her safety, then I’d probably buy that no one ever thinks anything is up. The only examples of her appearance being shown are in old paintings, and as a real person she may be unrecognizable. Maybe she only looks like a teenage or young version of Verona Tares and so no one recognizes her. That would’ve been fine but as is, when the story makes it clear how important it is that Verona isn’t discovered, I don’t find it believable that she can be enrolled in a school publicly as “Verona Tares” without causing suspicion, when there is so much information that could easily out her.

I should also take the time to mention the original Verona’s, as well as her son Kraven’s plan in this story regarding the return of the progenitors. The reason why the pure bloods and progenitors are extinct is because they were genocided out of existence. Verona sacrificed herself and her blood was held in a chalice. The maze that Blake ran into in the first chapter is actually an architectural creation that is simply known as “The Maze”. It has great significance in the non-human world. It was created by Kraven Tares, and he hid his mother’s blood in that maze so it could be found later on and bring the return of the progenitors. 

Verona’s blood is actually held in two chalices, one of which is inaccessible to humans. Drinking one will make a pure blood vampire, and drinking both will make a progenitor. Verona only drinks the one in the beginning, which is why she’s a pure blood instead of a progenitor.

I’ll get more into who staged this genocide as well as Kraven’s plan later on.

Another important aspect of this story is the organization, “Hunter”.

Hunter is an organization that is specifically designed to kill non-humans. They are solely dedicated to that one purpose and at all times strive to carry it out. They could even, if they wanted, start killing every non-human in existence, and the only reason they don’t is so the members of Hunter don’t lose their jobs and the organization doesn’t lose its reason to exist.

To make money, they have no choice but to hunt people like us, and to them, we are rare game in an urban environment. They want to make money from us, but at the same time, they never want us to be hunted to extinction, like the pure-blood vampires. Elsewise they kill their way of earning money and an exclusive skill that can’t be used in very many other jobs.

Hunter is a big component in this story. Their existence means non-humans have to constantly be on the lookout for them. They have to be able to defend themselves from them, or else they could easily be killed by them. It’s so bad even children need to have entire classes dedicated on how to defend themselves from Hunters.

Hunter is another thing I’ll get more into later. For now, I want to bring the review back to the plothole of Verona having to hide her identity while not really doing that at all. In the second chapter, it is said that Hunter is aware of Verona’s missing blood, and they know it’s likely in the Maze, as they have been looking for it for centuries.

His biggest project was the Maze, which has lasted to this day. When it was completed in the early 1600s, he disappeared along with his entire staff of half-vampires and Verona Tares’ blood. The Progenitor’s blood went missing and none of us knew where to find it, except that it was probably in the Maze. Something the Hunters knew too, and neither we nor the Hunters in our attempts to scour the Maze have found a damn thing. That is until you arrived.

So, if Hunter is actively trying to find Verona’s blood, then they probably know what its purpose is and what it can do. With this in mind, along with all the other things I mentioned regarding this plot hole, how do they not figure anything out, even when Verona explicitly tells them her name is “Verona Tares”?

“I’m Lord Verona Tares, of course,” I introduce myself. Callum gasps, shock appearing on his face, while the pursuers jump back, guns appearing in their hands like magic. Sammie jumps to the side, horror appearing in her eyes, then nothing happens, a long silence passes, but no-one takes actions. “Did I do something wrong? I have no intention of doing any harm to HUNTER, so you can put your weapons away. We were, after all having a polite conversation, no need to ruin it with those things.”

They stow their weapons hesitantly, but they remain guarded, their eyes moving along my form, even knowing there’s a werewolf standing nearby. “What are you?” Luna growls.

“A vampire.”

“You’re not giving me half-vampire vibes,” she responds. “In fact you’re really creeping me out right now.” Amon glances at her, but doesn’t disagree.

Hunter is not an organization of dumb, insane people. They’re portrayed as being mostly very intelligent, and they’ve been able to exist for centuries. I find it hard to believe they’d be so, well, clueless.

Again, this plot hole isn’t a big problem overall, despite it bugging me. What is a big problem however is the structure of the story, which just isn’t that good. The first half and the second half have different problems but also kind of the same problems. I’ll explain it more later (god how many times have I said that already), let’s go through some general problems then focus on problems more specific to the first half.

The whole story has a problem with the prose over explaining things. This story is told in first person POV, and Verona’s narration often goes into unnecessary detail. This story would’ve definitely benefited from cutting out some of the “fat” when it comes to the narration, and making things quicker.

What makes this problem even worse is that the pacing on its own is too slow, especially in the first half. Scenes often go on for longer than they should. For instance, Chapters 3 and 4 could probably be combined into one chapter, but as is they both drag on with scenes going on too long. Chapter 5 sees Verona just preparing to go to the school, which, again, goes on for longer than it should. And Chapters 6-7 both take place during Verona’s classes, with each individual class overstaying its welcome to the reader. For instance, it wasn't necessary to write a long scene for the math class. Everything in this story just takes too long. It becomes a bit tedious to read.

Making things more tedious is the dialogue. Every character in this story talks in the same, overly verbose manner where they explain nearly everything they say in detail. It doesn’t sound natural. Here’s an example:

“For what?” Tim inquires. “Succubi and incubi have to regain power in one way or another. To some, that necessity comes with the chance to challenge each other, or to earn some form of prestige. Even if she actually loves Callum, which might be the case, she can still have a continuous relationship with him that is devoid of any sense of love. It’s just a matter of breaking Callum. The thing is, Callum is a part of one of the strongest tribes in the world and isn’t bad looking; same goes for Scylla. Just like anyone from the Thornton tribe, they will have to learn to manage while be continuously chased by succubi and incubi. It’s just a flaw of the prestige. And -- this might be the first time one can ever say that someone is lucky to be a virgin.”

Who talks like this? To be fair, not every line of dialogue is like this, but far too many of them are.

One could say that the citizens of a non-human world may talk differently than citizens of a human world due to different customs and culture and such, which would make sense, but there’s still a few problems with this. First, every single individual character in this story talks in almost the same way, meaning the adults and children both talk in almost the same way. At the beginning of the story, you might think that only Summer talks like this because he’s the leader of a tribe and runs a school (the way non-human society is structured sees a number of individual tribes ruling themselves while also being under a main vampire council). He likely deals with politics on a daily basis, so I can understand him talking like this. But everyone else, including the children, the servants, the members of the Hunter organization, and even Verona herself after just one day of being in the non-human world, they all talk the same way.

“I would imagine that has a lot to do with their power in society and the fact they own the school which teaches children. In an older society, that would essentially result in people considering the children being hostages, and even if they didn’t, would they want to displace the Thorntons and become responsible for the replacement of the school too? I know the half-bloods definitely won’t,” I say, as I approach.

This was from Chapter 8. Verona wasn’t even finished with her first day at the Thornton Academy.

The fact that Verona talks the same way as everyone else is what bothers me the most. She’s the POV character, the character who we follow throughout the entire story. She’s supposed to be thrust into this strange, new, unfamiliar world. The reader is also thrust into this world and as such being able to follow someone who’s an outsider, someone who wasn’t born into this world, and someone who’s like them that they can relate to is important. If the reader can connect with Verona, they have an easier time connecting to the rest of the story and the world she now inhabits. They have a better time following the story and can better engage with the plot.

However, in this story, Verona is able to get a solid grasp of the politics and dynamics of the non-human world far too quickly, and she soon adopts the exact style of speech the rest of non-human society has. She becomes acquainted with this world long before the reader has the chance to. It makes her character harder for the reader to connect with. And in turn, it makes it harder for the reader to connect with and follow the story in general.

All of these are big problems that really bring the story down. They combine to make the story too slow and tedious in general.

To make matters worse, one really big problem with the first half of the story is the exposition dumping. Once Verona first enters the non-human world, a long series of exposition dumps come one after another, and it’s just too much. Chapters 3 through 10 mainly are filled with a lot of info dumping. It takes up a large portion of that section of the story.

And the exposition is always given in the exact same way, by being directly told to Verona. Verona goes through authority figure after authority figure, and then when she gets to the school, she goes through teacher after teacher, who each tell her a ton of information all at once.

Half-vampire society is separated into ten parts. There are the tribes: Targon, Ignis, Paegos, Nero, Ventus, Anemus, Tera and Gi. Each tribe is a different family of half-vampires. Each has hundreds and some thousands of half-vampires beneath them and they protect their members for their own strength and support. It’s more complicated than that, but for now, that’s all you need to know. The last two parts are the independent and the exiled. Independents are vampires who chose to forgo the option to integrate into a tribe or chose to exclude themselves after being born within a tribe. There are more out there as independents than there are in all the tribes combined; however, it is hard to be a half-vampire in a world full of Hunters. Lastly: the exiled. They are half-vampires who were removed from a tribe forcefully or fled after committing a major crime, drinking the blood of humans and other non-humans or forcing the exchange of another vampire to elevate a human to our society. Most of them are hunted by both the Hunters and our kind. They are the horrible black side of our society.

The above quote is how most of the exposition in this story is delivered. By being directly told to Verona, and by extension, the reader.

I know “show don’t tell” is the most clichéd writing advice ever but that’s really what this story could have benefitted from doing more of. Instead of telling Verona directly about the non-human world, its inhabitants and its politics, she could be shown it. She could see how society functions for herself. It would make all the exposition stick better to the reader’s mind.

One of the problems with doing a lot of info dumping is that, with so much of it all in a row, the reader isn’t going to be able to keep track of everything. By the end of Chapter 10, they aren’t going to know as much about the politics and the world as they should. It also does a poor job of keeping the reader engaged. So many info dumps at once can get very tiring, and when it’s all given by being directly told, the reader will grow tired of it.

The exposition dumps calm down after Chapter 10, but they do still come up every once in a while afterward. Really, it’s kind of like doing a bunch of tutorials at the beginning of a video game. It’s just bad structure.

Also, in the first half of the story, mainly the first ten chapters, there’s hardly any character development, plot development, or world building going on. The info dumps take up a ton of the time and not enough is left for the story and plot to truly move forward. Not much of anything is learned about the characters. They hardly grow and change in any way, and we don’t read many real human-like interactions between them. This does get better after Chapter 10, but it’s not improved enough and even still the overly verbose dialogue gets in the way.

Yeah I’d say Chapters 3 through 10 are definitely the low point of the story, for all the reasons above.

The second half of the story is better than the first, however it still has its own problems bringing down the experience.

To bring up the old version of “Fangs”, it had a problem regarding Verona’s fighting ability. Namely, that she becomes far too experienced at fighting far too quickly. Hell, she’s almost untouchable her first time doing it. It doesn’t feel earned. It contributed to Verona not feeling like a very skilled character.

The new version does fix this. When Verona starts fighting, she’s awful at it. Her fighting instructor, Jared, throws her onto the ground basically every time they fight.

“When you say come at me, you should at least have a defensive stance,” he snorts. He steps back and I climb to my feet, rubbing my shoulder and cursing inwardly. “Again--” He charges at me and I don’t react in time before I feel my foot get ripped out from beneath me and I fall to the ground again, causing pain to tear through my back once more. This is going to be a long day…

It’s a huge improvement and the progression of Verona going from this to being a master is much more natural and earned than in the old version. Hell, even later on in the story when she’s a progenitor and presumably the most powerful being in the world, regular humans (albeit ones hyped on drugs) can still put up a good fight with her. She’s not invincible, and I like that.

Unfortunately the new version also introduces a new problem of this nature that wasn’t present in the old version. And that’s that Verona gets accepted as the new leader of non-human society far too quickly and easily.

In Chapter 15, one month into her training, Verona is able to knock Jared on the ground and win a fight, even breaking his nose.

Jared raises a hand, revealing his bloody, twisted nose in full. “Not with this nose -- I’d say that you were trying to break it,” he grumbles. “No, let’s call an end to it for now. I’ll go get it treated and give Lord Summer a full report. I presume that you will have to talk to him later tonight as a result.”

At the end of the chapter, Summer hears this information and then sees it’s time for Verona to come into position as the new main ruler of non-human society.

Summer scratches his nose. “Nope. I’d say he’s not a great teacher -- if he had done the same with anyone else, they would essentially just be forced to heal continually and never be able to beat him. On the other hand --” Summer lifts his weight off the desk and flips his hand over. “You did.”

“I did.” I nod.

Summer gets a perplexed expression once again and sighs. “I’m honestly uncertain what to do now. I want you to go back into the maze and do exactly what Kraven Tares would want you to do -- but I’m honestly uncertain what we should have you do from there. What do you think?”

Because she broke her fighting instructor’s nose, once. He wasn’t even in werewolf form when she did that (which she herself points out). She’s only been in non-human society for one month, is only seventeen years old at that point in the story, and she’s not even seen most of non-human society.

And yet she’s ready to be the new leader?

Yeah, I don’t buy that this society would be willing to have someone so incredibly inexperienced to become the new main leader. Verona is still a teenager. She hasn’t fully grown yet. And in spite of that, all the lords of this society fully accept her as the new leader, with no qualms whatsoever. It doesn’t feel earned at all. It comes far too quickly. And, since so much of the early story is spent on info dumping, the reader hasn’t seen Verona accomplish much of anything. As such, when she becomes ruler of this society, it doesn’t invoke much of any feeling at all, as if nothing was accomplished.

The beginning of the story seemed to portray that Verona becoming the eventual ruler of non-human society was not something that was set to happen until much later on in her life. That’s how the old version handled it. But in the new version, it feels like it was only given to her and thus it doesn’t hold much weight or feel like it matters that much.

Huge events and plot points holding much less weight than they should is a huge problem with the second half of the story. Events that should be big and important don’t feel like that because they happened too easily.

The second half of the story is mainly about Verona putting her plans and goals for non-human society into action. She wants to reveal the existence of non-humans to the human world, and abolish Hunter. These are both very big and ambitious goals that would change the course of non-human and human society forever.

They really don’t feel like it when they actually happen, though.

They end up not feeling like they have much of any effect on society, as if they didn’t matter. It doesn’t feel like much was actually accomplished, and that’s probably because the second half of this story is, much like the first half, not structured in an engaging way.

The first problem I want to bring up is that some of the chapters and scenes are repetitive. For instance, Chapter 19 is mostly about Verona telling her plan for non-human society to the seraphim tribe. After punishing a character named Adam for attempting to read people’s minds, she goes to his father, Peter Gabriel (named after the musician), and proves her identity as a progenitor to him, tells him her plan, and he says he’ll think about it.

Then, in Chapter 21, that same process repeats twice in the same chapter for two other tribes (to be fair the last tribe leader just believes Verona when she says her identity), and the scenes are just as long each time. I don’t find it necessary to do this same series of events three times over.

In Chapter 24, Verona and the heads of the seraphim and succubi tribes go to the Vice Prime Minister to talk about their plan to reveal the existence of non-humans to the human world, and then in Chapter 26, they go to the Prime Minister and do the same thing. Again, I don’t find the repetition of this series of events to be necessary. The fact that these scenes all go on too long doesn't help.

In Chapter 9, Verona is given Kraven’s journal by Summer, saying it contains important information regarding his plan for the future of the progenitors and non-human society as a whole. Chapters 10-18 all start with sections of Kraven’s journal, and honestly I have a hard time not seeing them as more exposition dumping. They don’t take up too much time and aren’t too bad all things considered, but having these journal entries right after a series of exposition dumps in the beginning doesn’t make for the most engaging read.

The second half is where the politics really come into play, but you probably already figured that from what I discussed earlier. Probably should’ve mentioned that beforehand, sorry.

Anyway, I find the political drama part of the story to be pretty weak. The politics in this story as a whole have very little weight to them, and a big reason for that is because Verona’s goals are accomplished far too easily. She never hits any obstacles or roadblocks when she tries to reveal non-humans to the human world. The same goes for abolishing Hunter.

One of the things she does in this story is end the centuries long stalemate in the half-vampire council. This stalemate gets fixed almost immediately when she meets with it.

I find the reason why the council is in a stalemate to be a bit ridiculous.

“Additionally, the council, as we call it, could vote to remove a lord from the other council. So half-vampires could actually vote to expel a lord from the pureblood council and inversely, so can the purebloods vote to remove a lord from the half-vampire council. Usually, in a normal vote, in the case of a 50-50 split, the vote would be nullified, but in the case of a vote to remove a council member, a 50-50 will result in that council member being deemed too dubious to continue and they would inevitably be replaced by someone else. Now, Miss Triss Nero, what problem currently plagues the half-vampire council?”

“Well -- there’s no-one to vote anyone off the council?” Triss responds; her answer sounds more like a question.

“Exactly. As such, they’re at a stage where they desire a regent to become a new council, as opposed to the usual secondary council. As such, before the beginning of every meeting, they vote to see who will take the role of regent, but expectantly, there’s no-one who votes for anyone but themselves. And as such, the council remains stagnant, seething with corruption and continuously failing in important votes.”

So, in multiple centuries, no one on this council ever bothered to vote for anyone but themselves when deciding on a regent? That was what was holding them back from ratifying a single vote? It’s kind of, well, stupid.

Everyone she tells her plans to almost instantly agrees with her. Hell, the same can be said for nearly everything she says. Almost everyone she talks to agrees with her, and the only ones who don’t are the characters who are either bad or not smart.

“You jest, but it isn’t wrong to steal from the rich to give to the poor.”

“You don’t have to play along, you know?” I bite back, referring to her wording. “And stealing is still stealing, there is no acceptable way to phrase it. And by stealing from the rich, all you do is allow them to steal from their employees and customers legally. The only way to avoid that is by forcing them to join the poor, and before that, many more will fall to destitution before them, and at that point, they become the people we are trying to help.”

“I can’t help but feel that I am wholly unequipped to debate with you,” Leiliana sighs. “At the beginning, I believed in my own argument. Part way through, I became the devil’s advocate. And now I wholly believe in your argument.”

“Just do what you can without hurting anyone unnecessarily.”

“I understand.”

See what I mean?

If I were to respond to Verona, I’d say that the rich’s actions and apathy are often a big contributor to the poor being poor in the first place. Poverty is a policy choice. Also, the rich already steals from their employees, a lot. In the real world, the U.S. sees $50 billion stolen each year in wage theft. Sure, it may technically be illegal, but businesses still easily get away with it all the time. And poverty definitely hurts people unnecessarily. Thousands of people die from being in poverty. You could say that stealing from the rich to give to the poor is just a band-aid solution, which is understandable, but it’s still far better than doing nothing. Since Verona is now essentially the leader of the non-human world, maybe she could look into doing something about poverty.

On that note, I should probably talk about the actual politics depicted in the story, because I find them to be a bit confused.

Yeah, this is going to be yet another time where I tap into my self-righteous and pretentious leftist side of my personality. I have a bad feeling I’m going to be tapping into it more times than I would like in these reviews. Apologies in advance.

The politics of non-human society are pretty messed up, and while that’s definitely the intention, the story does a pretty bad job of addressing and acknowledging it. Now, I’m not going to say that the political aspect is bad because Verona didn’t announce that she was the exact kind of leftist that I am, nor am I going to say it’s bad because all the systemic issues in this society aren’t solved by the end. Those would be stupid complaints.

I will, however, state that Verona is a pretty reliable narrator most of the time, meaning that whatever she says seems to be what the story believes is the best viewpoint.

“What Lord Ventus wants is full control of the council. That’s what he’s always wanted -- to be better than Dracula, to be better than the purebloods, to be better than all of you. That’s not what the politics of the vampires has been about. There is not meant to be anyone in control of everything. The only people who deserve that power are the Progenitors, and they gave it to you and the purebloods. Do you not want to point the finger toward him?”

Even when she says something like this.

I find this statement kind of silly. At first she says no one deserves to have absolute power and control, and then immediately contradicts herself in the next sentence. What she says next sort of implies she’s saying the half vampire council should be grateful that the progenitors gave them any power at all. They didn’t have to, but out of the goodness of their hearts, they did. Lord Ventus is bad because he wants full control of the council, but according to Verona, a progenitor having full control of the council would be fine and giving pure bloods and half bloods any power is nothing more than a kind gesture.

I think the best example of how messed up the politics of non-human society are is how the story treats murder.

The person who orchestrated the genocide of the progenitors and pure bloods is a half blood named Lord Ventus or Fenton Ventus. As an aside, Ventus gets ousted from the half vampire council and put in jail for eternity almost immediately after being confronted. Since the story isn’t really about him, I don’t mind it too much, but the fact that he puts up no fight at all and accepts the punishment completely is just weird. I mean, he is the reason why the events of this story are happening in the first place. Not a huge deal, but still, a bit weak.

Ventus is portrayed as being evil throughout the duration of the story. He orchestrated the murders of a bunch of progenitors and pure bloods out of a lust for power. All things considered, he’s an awful person.

The problem I’m referring to starts to become clear when you look at Kraven Tares, and what his plan to bring back the progenitors actually entails.

So, Kraven Tares hid his mother’s blood in a trap room in the Maze. One might think it’d be dumb to hide the blood in a building he himself created, allowing everyone, even the hunters, to know where to look for it, however…

I carefully drop down from the step, not wanting to take another painful fall into the secret room, and approach the wall opposite the corridor’s conclusion. I press against it and find that it has no give, in spite of my being completely aware that this is the most likely location. I tap the wall, which results in a hollow clang, as if the metal of the Maze is placed over a hollow gap. Now I’m certain that this is the spot, but I can only assume that putting all a person’s weight onto it will not be enough. It has to not be found by mistake and only be stumbled into by those who don’t have the ability to escape. That way it can’t be found by people who deliberately search for it with knowledge, people like HUNTER and other non-humans.

the entrance to the trap room is designed to only be accessed by accident. People who are deliberately looking for it won’t be able to go through it, so Kraven was actually pretty smart on that front.

That’s not the point I’m trying to make however. The point I’m making is that Kraven specifically designed the room to be a death trap. He put a chalice of his mother’s blood in that room, along with twenty or so other chalices containing the blood from the rest of his family.

The light on the plaque brightens for a moment. We haven’t known each other for long, but you already know me so well! Come, we’re wasting time. I want to get out of here.

“You first need to tell me where the blood is.”

Oh, how foolish of me! If you don’t mind, can you please be careful and remove every single chalice from the altar. While the blood doesn’t play a big part anymore, it does hold a special significance to me. They are sacrifices from my family that I wish to see treated with great respect.

The plaque in the room is Kraven, by the way (it was Verona in the old version, though it was implied to not be the ‘actual’ Verona Tares). Anyway, he puts these chalices in this room, knowing full well they will kill anyone who drinks from them.

So, Kraven Tares specifically designed this trap room to be impossible to exit without drinking Verona’s blood, and he also put the blood of his family members in this room, despite knowing that that blood would immediately kill all who drank it. He then forces everyone who accidentally falls into this room to ‘play a game’ with their lives and guess which is the right chalice. All of this was done in advance. He knew everything that would happen from his actions, and yet he still did them. Essentially, he created a “Saw” game.

What makes this even worse is that Kraven actually has fun watching people suffer from his psychotic game.

You don’t have to read this. It’s your choice. Though I can tell you why you are reading this. Because you are hoping against all hope that I will divulge some information that will free you. Do you think I will make things easier? That anyone will hear your cries if you keep yelling? That makes you no different than the others. You have a choice to make. Waste your time, keep yelling and eventually you’ll drink from one of these chalices, or do that now and see if luck will pay you back in your final moments.

I allow myself a hollow laugh. No humor in my voice.

I don’t mind waiting. My favorite part is when they drink their own pee.

He’s a murderer. Every person that died in that room is someone he personally killed. He’s responsible for every death that happens in that room. Unless he didn’t design this trap room, in which case he still derives a concerning amount of pleasure from seeing people suffer and die in it.

There was no reason for him to include any other chalices of blood in there aside from his mother’s. If that was the only chalice in the room, then he could reasonably say that “the ends justify the means”. But that’s not what he did. He put all the other chalices in that room for no reason, despite knowing they would kill people, and refused to tell anyone in the room what the correct chalice was, despite knowing it.

Kraven Tares has no right to criticize Fenton Ventus. Murder is clearly not something he’s above doing. He’s no better than him. And yet never does this story acknowledge that Kraven is a murderer. He may not exactly be portrayed as an entirely good person, but he’s still generally seen as a man who only wanted the best for vampire society. He’s portrayed as a person non-humans should all look up to. This story does not see him as being nearly as bad as Fenton Ventus, despite what he’s done.

To be fair, it’s not as if he’s not suffering. He’s a plaque that can’t move or do anything. Also, the way weapons work in this story sees someone willing them to turn into a small, metal cylinder with their minds. The plaque Kraven now resides in follows that same rule, and as such he can be “sheathed” at any time, essentially rendering him dead until he’s unsheathed. It’s a pretty awful fate, and definitely what he deserves.

At one point Kraven asks Verona if she can give him a real body. Hopefully she never does.

Also I should mention that Kraven and Verona specifically planned for a human to take on the role of the next progenitor.

But without me -- it won’t go smoothly. To tell a human to drink from the chalices and to not throw them into disarray, discarding mother’s final transfusion of blood for a pureblooded vampire. To also ensure that that person won’t fail and will return with growth and tell them where mother’s blood is held. My plans ride solely on the chance that my experiment will work. An experiment I see as only having an extremely low chance of success, not because of my inability to create a successful environment, but because I don’t have the proper parameters to experiment.

Now, if a human becomes a pure blood, they will immediately enter a “blood rage”. The way blood withdrawal works for vampires is that once they reach a certain state, they will essentially become invincible and suck all the blood out of anyone they see without any thought. The amount of blood they need to consume before they exit this state is multiple full humans worth. Kraven knows all of this, and yet he did not put any extra, non-toxic blood in that room for the newly created vampire to drink, instead forcing them to go out and kill multiple innocent people. I’d be willing to say the deaths of everyone whose blood gets sucked out of them are his responsibility too. Even if he doesn’t care about people’s lives, which he clearly doesn’t, wouldn’t it be inconvenient to have the only pure blood in the world be traumatized by learning they killed people? He really didn’t think this plan out very well.

Damn I really need to work on my tone, because I sounded way too angry when criticizing the actions of a fictional character. I sound like a Nostalgia Critic or god forbid a Mr. Enter wannabe. Sorry about that.

Anyway, next I want to bring up Hunter. As I said before, Hunter’s purpose and reason for existing is to kill non-humans. What they are doing is a genocide, which the story itself states. They also aided Ventus in his genocide of progenitors and pure bloods.

The problem is that this story gives the group too much leeway. The stated purpose of their existence is to kill non-humans. They will kill children with no remorse, and force non-humans to spend a lot of time learning just how to not get killed by them. Non-humans are always on the look-out for them, many in fear of being killed by one.

Hunter does not deserve nearly as much leeway as this story gives it. They kill people and think it’s good they’re killing people. They’re committing a genocide. That’s it. No extra nuance is to be had.

As for how this story gives them too much leeway, there’s a lot of examples that come to mind. The old version had a quote in the last chapter where Verona said that the non-humans who hate Hunter are worse than the Hunters themselves (I don’t think I need to explain what’s wrong with that). Luckily, the new version doesn’t have any quote like that, but it still has some pretty questionable moments.

For instance, take Chapter 14. In this chapter, one of Verona’s classes devoted to hunters has a former hunter join the class for a lecture.

For starters, the story seems to view the students’ ambivalence to having a former hunter in the class as a kind of bigotry.

The length of time we spoke with him made us grow at least comfortable in his presence and allowed us the ability to understand that he’s no threat to us, but to the others, they don’t see that his bigotry has disappeared over time. However, the bigotry of the students has never gotten a chance to change, which is why Mrs. Tyler has likely organized this lecture.

I find it a bit dumb to portray their hesitance as a part of their bigotry toward humans. In that very class, they were taught that hunters do not see them as being fully sentient beings. They were taught that they would kill them with no hesitation. Of course they wouldn’t be entirely happy about talking to a former hunter.

To make matters even worse, I’m not entirely sure this former hunter is fully reformed. I mean, first off he explicitly says that he has killed non-humans.

There are regrets -- I do regret killing half-blood vampires, most of the were-creatures I have fought with

Were you just fighting with them or were they defending themselves from being attacked? You don’t have the manslaughter excuse because you intentionally went out and murdered them. And according to yourself, it seems you directly murdered multiple people.

He doesn’t even have remorse for all the people he killed.

but some of them don’t deserve to be included in that feeling of regret. There are non-humans with the same reputation that Hunters have for non-humans. Oni, Jotuns, Wendigos, Zombies, Mermaids. They will eat humans, and some of them will eat other non-humans. Should we allow them to walk this planet just to feed on people who we deem intellectuals? We can’t even allow people to hunt and kill our pet dogs, how can we do the same to people who think exactly the way we can? I realize the hypocrisy of such things, formerly being a Hunter. But as soon as I realized my error, I set to try my best to at least make things safer for everyone.

According to him there are certain kinds of non-humans where it’s simply okay to murder them. Also the story states in an earlier chapter that these non-humans don’t actually need to eat humans to survive.

For our class’s new member, the exiled are tribes and people who aren’t interacted with and are hunted just as much by us as by the Hunters. They are murderers -- man-eaters. Mermaids are an example of those man-eaters. While they were, in the past, known as man-eaters, they don’t need to eat humans to survive, it’s just what they want to do.

I don’t believe that these non-humans aren’t just having propaganda spread about them. The story seems to see them the same way hunters see non-humans in general.

So, when this character learned that Hunter was wrong and committing genocide, instead of leaving the group altogether, he put his focus only on killing the “man-eaters”. He makes a speech about how these kinds of non-humans are truly, definitely bad and that it’s bad that they kill hunters with no remorse. In fact, these non-humans are worse than Hunter, actually.

In HUNTER, every non-human are dedicated a threat rating and all the man-eating non-humans are given a rating of deadly meaning they will always attempt to kill a Hunter. Other non-humans might think twice before attempting a deathblow -- however these non-humans will always try to kill a Hunter with no remorse. Not many Hunters will hunt a non-human whose expressed intent is to see you lie dead at their feet. They like that insurance that they might just be left wounded and it’s the life I led for a long time until I retired. Amusingly, I got very good at hunting those non-humans, and I think I was due for a promotion, but I didn’t want to end my life being chewed on by a non-human and have my face used on the wall of HUNTER headquarters to be used as propaganda.

After this guy literally admitted to killing multiple non-humans, should we trust his judgment when he says something like this?

The real reason this man quit Hunter is not because he realized they were committing genocide, but because he lost a fight against a mermaid.

We managed to track a mermaid to a river where it was pulling children into the water when they came near. I guess it had an appetite for them, but we needed to draw it onto land instead of approaching it in the water. I suppose one of my trappers had the intention of being promoted; she went after it in the water and got pulled in, so I chased after them -- it very nearly cost my life. The mermaid got an environment that they lived in, they could essentially jump out of the water, grab someone and store them in the depths beneath the rocks. I thought that while they had my trapper, there would be an opportunity to go after it while it was distracted. Instead it came out of the water and nearly took out my eye.” Jason runs a finger across his scar and sighs. “With that failure, I just knew that I no longer had it in me to continue trying to protect as much as I can. I retired and moved to a job where my skills would still be useful.

Yeah, the mermaid was killing children, but the point is that he did not leave Hunter out of any change of heart. He left because he lost.

I do not buy that this man is redeemed at all, and yet the story seems to consider him at least someone who had a genuine change of heart, and someone who’s worth listening to. To be fair, he does get some pushback, but not enough and the character behind it is framed as misguided. I wouldn’t have a problem with his character if the story portrayed him as what he is, someone who only cares about being seen as redeemed and not someone who really wants to examine his actions. There are a lot of people like that in real life. But that’s not what this story does.

This story tries to both sides Hunter way too much.

But… we’re better people than HUNTER, we don’t hate humans… I don’t hate HUNTER. I just -- want more options for people. I don’t want fear to dictate the lives of non-humans and humans alike. I want to make a path to a future more vibrant and bright, where the dreams of humans are true, and the dreams of non-humans are realized. I suggested the solution to a HUNTER-free Pangea, because I recognize that not all non-humans are good, just like not all humans are good. So, please, give non-humans a chance at a normal life.

Again, it’s good that Verona is working to abolish Hunter but seriously? That’s her reasoning? Because “not all non-humans are good and not all humans are good”? Was being allowed to systemically murder non-humans not enough? And she doesn’t even hate Hunter? Despite all the horrible things they’ve done?

I can’t help but feel that the reason Fenton Ventus is seen as being so bad in this story is simply because the people he killed were “important” people, those being significant political figures. Kraven can be offered leeway because his murders were of “unimportant” people, and the same goes for the Hunter organization.

I really hate to bring this up, but the idea that the lives of the rich and powerful inherently have more worth than the poor and middle class is a major problem that plagues liberal governments around the world, and it influences how they carry out policy.

I’m not going to say that Verona needs to be some kind of radical leftist or even an entirely good person. The series this story is a part of does not need to be some big promotion of communist or anarchist (or really any leftist ideology you can think of) ideas. But, as a political drama, where the politics are a big part of the story and are in the forefront of the plot, it should acknowledge or address, in some way, the problems of the society it depicts. Or make it clear that Verona isn’t a reliable narrator.

I could probably forgive how this story treats its politics if it didn’t go out of its way to excuse the actions of such a horrible, genocidal organization that it itself created. I could probably forgive it if it didn’t present Fenton Ventus as being such an antagonist when his opposition has basically done all of the same crimes as him, and then not even acknowledge that. But as is, this story serves as another reminder and representation of the many failures of liberalism.

One last thing I want to mention is that the wishy-washy attitude “Fangs” has toward Hunter extends to a specific character introduced very late in the story.

First off, I want to mention the different roles the Hunter members can have.

“Then how would a trapper be promoted to a Pursuer role?” she asks.

“Ah,” Jason gasps. “Usually springing a trap and successfully hunting a target before needing a pursuer. It’s risky and can lead to the escape of the individual you are hunting, but if the trapper dies or loses the quarry, then they will either die or lose their job immediately. I got the opportunity to spring a trap myself and I found it to be a test with the intent to separate those with empathy or the psychopaths. To try find those who will ignore the pleas for help, because they don’t want anybody they set their sights on to go free. When I got promoted, I think I was too brainwashed to see their cries as anything but attempts to get me to lower my guard.” Jason shakes his head. “I’m not sure whether it would make me feel better for me to let them go and to end my time as a Hunter or the fact that I actually did rid the world of some actual threats.”

As an aside, it’s comforting to know this “reformed” hunter was not driven away by his victims crying and begging for their lives, but rather the fact that he lost a fight.

Sorry, back on topic now. There’s a character who gets introduced in Chapter 24 called Executor Cameron, who is first in command of the Hunter in Arachas (Arachas being the fictional city the story takes place in), and while he’s not a big part of this story, I find his portrayal might be falling into the same problems that the portrayals of Hunter as a whole have.

He’s definitely a murderer, as his main job involves locating and killing non-humans. He orders others to do it. He had to directly murder someone by himself to even ascend to the level of “Executor” at all. In the last few chapters, it’s revealed that he ordered all the hunters to not kill Verona, and he even saves her from being killed in the final chapter.

He may not be portrayed as a good person, but I feel the story forgets that this man is, all things considered, a really terrible person. After all, he’s still orchestrating and ordering the deaths of other non-humans while Verona is off-limits. I may be complaining about nothing here, but I would suggest Misaania be wary of how he’s handled in the second installment.

I mentioned earlier about the “show don’t tell” rule, and how this story does more telling than showing. Well, this also extends to Hunter. Only two times in the story does the reader get to see a hunter attacking someone, and both of those occasions are at the very end, with one of them in the final chapter after the official Hunter organization had been disbanded. Also, both occasions are against Verona. Aside from that, Hunter is never shown in action throughout the majority of the story, which is really disappointing. Showing hunters attacking non-humans would make them more of a threat, and also make them getting abolished seem like more of an accomplishment.

During the second half I sort of realized the story has the structure of characters saying they will do something, and then doing it with very little in the way. Almost the whole story is like that and it’s not engaging to read.

Earlier in this review I said that both halves of this story sort of have the same problems, and here I want to take some time to explain what I meant. The pacing, prose, and dialogue have the same problems throughout the entire story. The info dumping never fully goes away, some scenes still remain too long in the second half, and nothing feels accomplished because everything happens so easily.

As I said in the beginning, this story is 155K words, which is certainly on the longer side, but not extremely long. However, with all the problems here the story feels much longer than it actually is.

All of the different problems in this story are based on one individual problem, and that’s that “Fangs” doesn’t feel like a fully fleshed out story, it feels like a premise that was directly translated into a full story with the only goal being to fulfill that premise.

The result is that the story is flimsy, and feels empty and tedious. With very little character development or real obstacles or challenges, nothing feels like it matters and very little feels earned. When the story ends, I’m just not sure what the point was.

As a first installment in a series of novels, it doesn’t do a good job of showing the world or the characters. I still don’t know much about the world or characters after reading it. It doesn’t feel like much was gained from it. Like constant set-up for a plot that never actually happens.

The point is that “Fangs” feels lacking in the elements that make stories engaging to read. An overwritten series of events without humanity and substance.

The characters in this story aren’t used very well. There are a lot of them and many of them don’t make much of an impact. I already discussed how the dialogue doesn’t sound natural, how everyone talks in the same way, and how there aren’t enough human-like interactions between anyone. Those are the biggest problems with how the characters are used here but now I want to get a bit more specific.

Callum, Scylla, Triss, and Tim might as well all be the same character. They hardly get any development and there’s not enough to distinguish any of them.

Callum is supposed to not be that smart, but when he talks the same way as everyone else that isn’t communicated well to the reader. Triss is a half vampire who was raised by humans. She did not know she was a half vampire until recently. Not much is done with that plotline beyond being mentioned. The only character trait she really has is being overly nosy about Verona’s identity, which is pretty minor in the grand scheme of the story.

Tim is an incubus, and he’s probably the most flat character in the entire story. Despite being in a lot of scenes, he’s not given any defining character traits and we don’t learn much of anything about him.

As for Scylla, there is a neat scene in Chapter 15, where it’s revealed she’s a lesbian and is attracted to Verona. But aside from that, she doesn’t do much.

None of these characters have much purpose beyond just being Verona’s friend. With Callum and Scylla, it’s especially bad because they’re supposed to be siblings, twins even, and yet their relationship as brother and sister barely gets utilized at all. They might as well be two random people.

Thankfully Callum and Scylla’s relationship with their father Summer is utilized, but the problem still remains that I don’t get the impression that they act like siblings toward each other.

Callum and Scylla also have a younger sister named Iva (I should probably mention the Thornton family is all werewolves). Her main character traits that we see as readers are that she’s afraid of Verona and is kind of shy. I bring her up because she, a character who is only in about two scenes with very few lines of dialogue, has more character traits and more of a personality than a few of the main characters, which really shows how poorly used a lot of the cast here was.

This story runs into the same problem the old version did, that being that there are a lot of characters and not many of them make an impact.

There are a few characters that differ from the old and new versions. One character from the old version that I’m a bit disappointed was cut from the new one is Kayla, the cyclops bully. She and Verona had a pretty neat dynamic and rivalry. I can understand why she was cut and I don’t think the story loses that much by her exclusion, but still, I would’ve liked to see her in this version.

As for the new characters introduced, they’re alright. I’ve already discussed Cameron and Fenton Ventus, and as for the other new characters, they contribute enough to the story without overstaying their welcome.

One of the new characters that comes to mind is Lana, a succubus who at first seems to have it in for Callum. That is until Verona confronts her, causing her to switch targets. They have a fight in the girls’ bathroom that ends with her hair being chopped off. Lana seems to be the closest thing to a replacement for Kayla, and while her and Verona’s dynamic is not as strong, she still makes a good enough impact.

And then there’s Adam, an angel (which are called seraphim in this story). His main character traits are that he’s annoying and everyone hates him. Overall the story does a good job portraying as an arrogant, egotistical douche. Another one of his character traits is that he, like Triss, is very nosy about Verona’s identity. Unlike Triss, this behavior remains constant for all other’s affairs and is to a significantly higher degree. I already mentioned he was punished by Verona for reading people’s minds, but either way put a pin in that for later.

Amon and Luna are some of the highest ranked officers in the Hunter of Arachas. And each of them get their own fight scene with Verona. Luna fights her in Chapter 25 out of anger that she scared Amon. She gets killed, and then in Chapter 28 Amon fights Verona to avenge Luna’s death. He gets killed too, but by Cameron for trying to kill Verona.

They’re alright characters overall, but one minor complaint I have with them is that in Chapter 25, Verona sucks out all of Luna’s blood after having to pour most of her own into her weapon (in this story Verona uses “bloodmetal weapons” which she pours her blood into to make stronger). While doing this, she gains a memory of Luna’s, as in this story sucking someone’s blood will also grant you their memories.

“Luna,” Amon mutters. I feel pressure on my arm and on my neck, it feels like my head’s about to pop. I struggle to free myself from the stranglehold he has me in, the feeling of his crotch against my arm, but mostly my slowly ebbing consciousness. “Luna,” Amon repeats.

“Give up now. You’re going to go unconscious. Again.”

I gasp, my voice coming out in naught but wind. Then I tap him three times on the leg and he releases me. I turn over, coughing and bringing back every ounce of energy I lost over the fight, then collapse on my back, turning to him. “Why can’t I ever win?” I growl.

“You’re impatient, you’re emotional. The latter isn’t a problem, the former is. If your opponent is either better than you or similar to you, then you need to wait for a mistake, then you can capitalize on that and win.”

“I’m better than you,” I growl.

“That remains to be seen, Luna.”

I cover my face with my hands and exhale. “I want to do things my way, not HUNTER’s way. I want to win my way, not your way. I want to be the best of the best, my way, no-one else’s way. If I do it anyone else’s way, then I’m not good enough, and I can get better.”

Again, a minor complaint but this feels a bit cheesy. I’m not a fan of characters announcing their motivations explicitly like this. I’m fine with fleshing out a side character, but it should’ve been done less clumsily.

As for the characters Verona knew before her transformation, they’re dealt with the worst. For one thing, Steven and Joseph, the two friends at the beginning, never appear again after the first chapter. They’re only ever mentioned two other times throughout the story. To me, this is a huge mistake. Especially since them running away and leaving Blake alone with a group of muggers was what caused him to get into this whole situation in the first place. They didn’t have to be major characters, but they should’ve appeared at least a few other times.

And regarding Verona’s family, her mother never makes an actual appearance in this story, which is another huge mistake to me. It doesn’t make sense that someone so important to Verona’s life never makes a real appearance in this entire story, and is only mentioned. I might not even mind that if being presumably permanently separated from her was made a bigger point in this story, but it’s mostly brushed aside.

Verona’s father does make one appearance in Chapter 24. He cheated on his wife and abandoned his family. Obviously Verona holds a lot of animosity toward him.

I focus on one man in particular, anger bubbling in my stomach. A tall, confident man with graying black hair, and green eyes. He’s a little plump around the waist, showing that he has clearly missed fewer meals than his own children. A man who I haven’t seen for at least three years since he cheated on my Mom, a man I once called Dad. Minister Lazarus Singles. One of the good things about my life is that I now don’t share a last name with this dirtbag.

It’s one of my favorite moments in the story, as for a while Verona displays some of her humanity (yes she isn’t human, you know what I mean). I really wish there were more moments like this.

Verona’s twin sister, Sammy, gets dealt the best hand here. She appears in two chapters and makes a big impact in both of them.

In Chapter 12, Verona sets up a meeting with her at the Red Line (it’s a nightclub aimed at teenagers). When they meet and Verona tells her who she is, Sammy immediately gets mad at her and tries to leave. In a panic, Verona uses some of her magic to convince her that she is Blake.

I feel like my heart literally breaks and tears spill out my eyes. She turns to leave and I can’t let her go. I mustn’t let her go. I want her to be my sister… No, I need her to be my sister. “Sammy,” I growl, my voice sounds aggressive but also unyielding and powerful, inundated with powerful magical force that seems to be easily activated with my needs. Sammy turns with a dazed expression and what is left of my heart is split in two. Do I let my sister leave me in pain or do I let her believe in fake emotions I leave in her. I know the truth, but she doesn’t, there’s still a part of me that doesn’t want to separate her from the choice of not believing me.

Her brows quiver, as if the power of my magic is barely maintaining control of her mind, and I shake my head. I already have had difficult mornings; the feeling of her not being in the house is taking its toll and I can’t consider a life without someone from my old one also acknowledging that I’m there. Without her, I can feel my new life collapsing into shambles, and I don’t want to let that happen. “I am Blake, Sammy -- I’m just… Different now.” My voice, while still empowered by that power, quivers in uncertainty and that power then rushes away, leaving me feeling beaten down by my own values.

It works, and she feels awful about it. Like she has manipulated or mind controlled Sammy into believing her. The story does a great job of portraying her guilt in the following chapter.

In Chapter 20, she appears again. She meets Verona and they go to an old arcade together. All around, it’s a pretty well done and sweet chapter.

I really do wish Sammy appeared more often. She didn’t have to be a major character, but I feel she should’ve been more important. The scenes with her and Verona are the highlight of the story. The dialogue feels natural and the characters display real human emotion. It’s easy to be invested in Verona’s relationship with her sister.

I just wish the same could be said for the majority of the story.

I can’t help but feel that “Fangs” would’ve been better if it had an extra chapter at the start. As is, Chapter 1 opens with Blake and his friends throwing a ball around when it lands under an overpass. It’s not long before Blake gets chased by muggers, runs into the maze, and falls into the trap room. If this had been Chapter 2, and Chapter 1 featured Blake at his house alongside Sammy and his mother, then him being separated from them could’ve had more of an impact. There’s certainly an element of mystery here when it comes to Verona’s past life, as we the readers only saw very little of it. That can definitely be a positive, but I don’t think the story utilizes it very well.

If you looked closely at the headers for “Fangs”, you probably noticed both versions were tagged as “changes to only be attracted to men”. I could do a section here where I rag on TG Storytime’s tagging system for sexual orientation, but I think I’d just be wasting time.

Anyway, despite that neither version of “Fangs” is forced het. The old version was admittedly a bit unclear in that aspect though, and it kind of felt like it was forced het with how Verona is initially confused at being attracted to men and how a few other moments imply a change in sexuality. However, there is a line in which Verona says guys were always a possibility for her before the change, so I don’t consider it to be forced het.

The new version definitely clears this up a bit more. From the start Verona questions if she was ever actually into girls, with her coming to believe that she wasn’t. And there’s never any line that says or even implies Verona’s attraction to men was caused by her transformation.

Still, I think authors on TG Storytime would benefit if they added the “does not change” tag alongside the “changes to only be attracted men” one. It’d definitely help to clear up any confusion about whether a story is forced het or not.

In Chapter 23, we are introduced to the male love interest, Leon. He’s a member of hunter, a trapper, who hasn’t been fully indoctrinated into its propaganda. Evidenced by the fact that he seems much more afraid of non-humans than overtly hateful.

The reason why he joined Hunter was to pay for his sick mother’s hospital bills, and as revealed later in the story, it becomes clear she isn’t going to make it.

I shrug. “I don’t know what I want from my life. I guess I’ve got an extremely long time to figure that out.” I sigh. “How about a change of subject; how’s your Mom?”

Leon’s face turns grim. “It’s less about trying to save her life now, it’s more about giving her a painless passing. I’m… I don’t know what I’m going to do without her, but I’m trying to figure that out. Soon things are going to be… lonely.” He looks pained. “I’m just glad I had some time to tell her how much I loved her, and she had time to say how much she loved me.”

He’s portrayed as being a sympathetic figure, which works out pretty well.

My problem with him is that Verona and Leon have very little chemistry together. Any romantic scenes or moments between them feel kind of forced.

“Hold on; uh… I need your number.”

“Are... you asking me out?” I stammer, stunned.

I laughs and shrugs. “Well, I kind of need it so I can give you info on HUNTER and ask for your help.”

My mind is split into two thoughts; relief and disappointment, and I can’t shed these two thoughts, making me act like a complete lovesick fool. I clear my throat and laugh nervously. “Right, obviously.” I pull out my phone and unlock it, before passing it to him.

In his introduction, when Verona first sees him, she’s already describing him in detail that makes it clear she’s attracted to him.

The bell at the door rings, momentarily interrupting our conversation, I twist in my chair to see a well-built youth enter. Even when surrounded by so many beautiful people, the boy stands up to those standards, looking like a model, even when compared to someone like Tim. He’s looks to be about 1.8 meters, with an athletic build, his black t-shirt fitting snuggly around his chest. He has neck length dirty blonde hair, with piercing blue eyes. He’s got defined features, making him look confident and masculine. He’s like a piece of art sculpted by Michelangelo himself, with an aura gifted to him through appearance alone.

His sudden entrance catches everyone off guard, like when I entered, conversations cease, and people stare. Girls staring with lust, men staring with jealousy. I’m glad to have the attention transferred to a different person, but I’m also glad to clap eyes on such a magnificent human.

She really doesn’t strike me as the kind of person who’d think like that.

In the old version, the male love interest was Callum, and even in the beginning of the new version there are a few hints that Callum and Verona will get together.

Triss and Tim exchange glances and Triss shrugs. “Anyway. Do the two of you have something going on?” Tim asks.

I feel my face heat up which seems to be the response of Callum too. I feel kind of stunned at the way I consider Callum even now. “No -- we’ve just met,” he responds. It’s definitely clear that he thinks of me in other ways, but perhaps he would like to approach relationships much the way I do. Regardless, I’m glad he responds like that; while we both have our interests in each other, we should know each other better before we could answer that question differently.

Verona and Callum also have a lot more chemistry than Verona and Leon do. With Leon, it really feels like his only purpose is to be Verona’s eventual boyfriend, like he has no other reason to be in this story.

In all fairness, this is planned to be a series, and it’s definitely possible in the second installment that Leon will become a more fleshed out character. Still, I don’t think that completely excuses him feeling so forced here. He adds little to the end of this story, and it may have been better to hold off on introducing him until the sequel.

There’s also a subplot in which Leon becomes a spy for Hunter, letting Verona know private and hard to find information on their organization. This spy subplot is only used once in Chapter 25, where Leon gets himself captured by a group of half vampires. And since Hunter becomes disbanded at the end of the story, there’s no longer any need for him to be a spy. Essentially, this idea went nowhere and didn’t add anything.

A big problem I had when I first read this story was that Verona was not a very likable character. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I didn’t feel like the story did an adequate job exploring that and it was largely brushed aside.

However, when you really look at what happens in this story, it’s not hard to see how Verona turned out the way she did. I can’t even really blame her for it either. She has been almost permanently separated from her family and forced to train in this strange new society she had no idea existed. She’s told point blank that she needs to become the new leader of non-human society or she will be killed. And she’s only 17 years old when all of this happens.

It’s too dangerous to have a lame pureblood vampire ruling over the half-blood vampires.”

“And what would they do?”

“Think, Verona. What would they do? What would they do if they decided that you weren’t able to lead the half-bloods? The only pureblood vampire. It’s not a matter of humane treatment or good treatment. They will kill you, Verona. You’re a former human; there are few people in our society that would want a human to lead it. You have to take charge, or they’ll let someone else take charge.”

Almost every one of her mentors is constantly pushing and egging her on to be the new leader, and they give her that role extremely quickly. Later on in the story, it becomes apparent that Verona’s power is starting to get to her head. She nearly kills one of the lords to scare her into voting to get Ventus off the half-vampire council, and doesn’t seem to have any reservations about doing so.

In the beginning of the story, Verona learned about what punishments in non-human society entail, and instantly disapproves of it.

Everyone else is standing up, and getting ready to move to classes, and soon we’re all on our way to the gym. “I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen any students late to a class yet,” I say. “Is the punishment typically that bad?”

“Usually, no,” Scylla explains. “But it gets back to the parents one way or another and many of the tribes have an ancient punishment system. An extreme way of dealing with misbehaviour. Whipping, caning, jailing. Things that would be considered cruelty to humans are fairly common occurrences in our society.”

“Whoa. How can there be dignity in such methods?”

Later on, she begins punishing people in almost the exact same way. Torturing them and putting them in severe pain. If you remember from earlier, I mentioned Adam was punished for reading people’s minds. It was deemed that this was a time when doing that could be a huge security risk.

I clear my throat. “I trust you are aware of Adam’s inclination to read people’s thoughts.” Gabriel purses his lips, finally understanding where this is going. “It’s obvious to us when he’s doing that, but on this occasion the threat of him constantly attempting to pry was deemed a security risk; a risk where he could come into information that he had no right to. If he had learned about anything a tribe deemed dangerous in the hands of an external influence, then your son wouldn’t have holes in his wings -- he’d be dead. His wings will heal and he’ll temper his impulses with caution in the future.”

I find Verona saying this to be kind of funny. As I’ve explained, she and Summer do a horrible job of keeping her identity secret. There is literally nothing Adam could do that would be worse in this regard than what her and Summer are already doing, especially since the story explains that he can’t actually read Verona’s mind.

Also, Summer says that it would be mercy to not kill Adam.

“Not if his father learns of your identity and the reason for his son’s punishment. The same with Lana’s mother. The seriousness of their conduct would usually result in their death; the fact that they will be allowed to return to their parents can only be called mercy. All the tribes know the importance of privacy except Adam Gabriel. I leave it to you to teach him the true value of learning what he shouldn’t.”

As if killing a child is a legitimate idea that they should actually seriously consider. He seems to have no hang-ups over killing a child (with mentors like this it makes a lot of sense why Verona turned out to be so cold). Again, Summer literally enrolled Verona as “Verona Tares” in a public school and yet he sees Adam as a bigger threat to her secret identity.

Verona yells at Adam for supposedly disrespecting her, despite the fact that Adam does not know she’s a progenitor, something that she is explicitly trying to keep secret. Apparently she expected him to just know that beforehand and blamed him for… not reading her mind.

I sigh and roll my eyes. “Exactly what is going on and why on earth is Verona here? Why should I be talking to a half…” he pauses, as if he was about to say something extremely offensive, but stops short. Even in Summer’s presence, there are things he knows not to say. “This thing,” he decides, as if that less offensive than what he was about to say.

I slowly stand from my chair, offering a calm, yet chilling gaze in Adam’s direction. “If I were your father, would you dare talk to me in such a way?”

“You’re--”

“If I were Summer, would you dare talk to me in such a way!?” I yell, interrupting him, not caring about the fact that he’s trying to talk over me. It’s this moment where he needs to learn that offending me is something he will come to deeply regret. Where he needs to learn that I am someone capable of slamming his head against the ground until his brain comes out. I am not for capital punishment, but I am worthy of respect, even if it is grudging respect.

Yeah she’s really awful.

Obviously reading people’s minds is worthy is a huge breach of privacy, certainly worthy of punishment. But to say Verona’s torturing of him went overboard would be an understatement. And their main reason for punishing him for this is because of the threat that Verona could be revealed as a progenitor, which can’t even happen because Adam can’t read Verona’s mind. And again, Verona and Summer have not remotely done a good job of keeping Verona’s identity secret.

In Chapter 22, she reveals that she is a progenitor to the entire school, and tells every student they need to keep it a secret. She commands respect out of fear, seeming completely aghast that the students didn’t immediately believe that she really was a progenitor.

he steps back, gesturing toward me. “Lord Verona Tares; Progenitor of water!”

Confused and agitated voices fill the room, butterflies flutter in my stomach as I stand and approach the podium. Summer moves aside for me, offering me a bow as I take my place there, lowering the small microphone until it’s level with my mouth. “I would appreciate it if you all quieten down,” I announce into the microphone.

My voice is drowned out by the loud voices. I spot Callum, Scylla, Triss and Tim in the crowd. Callum and Scylla wear sober expressions, while Triss and Tim wear an expression of shock as if they found it straight from a dictionary with pictures.

I wrap my hand around the podium, the wood creaking. A chill fills the whole room, people start shivering and their voices expel mist along with their howls of displeasure. “That’s enough!” I roar, a blast of frozen air shoots outward, the windows freeze up, the steel beams overhead turn white and the snow forms on the polished wood. “Would you dare show such disrespectful attitude to any of the people behind me!”

What follows is a horrified silence, there’s no ignoring my abilities, no ignoring that I’m more powerful than the people behind me. They can’t help but accept Summer’s words as the truth and give me the respect that I deserve.

I can’t even hear the ruffle of clothes, let alone a single voice and I allow the silence to hang in the air for a moment before speaking once more. “Your confusion and bewilderment is understandable, but your response leaves… much to be desired.”

This trend of her abusing her power continues like this. Scylla even asks her about why she has begun torturing people when she previously said punishments like that were barbaric.

Her response is unconvincing, to say the least.

“First Lana, then Adam. I thought you were against actions like torture.”

“She understands the importance of fear,” Summer interjects.

“Dad… I want her to respond, not you.” Summer purses his lips in response but says nothing.

I shift uncomfortably in my chair. I wasn’t thinking about my previous thoughts regarding the matter of torture. Just my thoughts regarding capital punishment. I do, however, need to placate Scylla. I exhale. “By introducing the tribes to me, they will eventually become aware of their children’s actions toward me and feel responsible for punishing them. Even the act of not greeting me with respect might be treated as an offense; however, by punishing them prior to speaking to their tribe leaders, then they would see it as me already punishing them and they might feel that a second punishment isn’t necessary. That punishment might be worse than a bad hair day and small non-invasive holes in two wings. Neither will bear the scars of their punishment for long, only the fear.”

I should also mention that the constant mentions of Verona having power and control over the entire non-human society bring to mind images of a dictatorship. And she already says in the story that progenitors deserve to be dictators.

So in all, what is happening in this story is this. A man intentionally sets up a death trap for humans so one of them could become the next progenitor. Seeing people suffer and die in this death trap brings him a lot of enjoyment.

A 17 Year Old falls into this trap and becomes the next pure-blood, destined to be the next progenitor. A bunch of mentors who have no problems with torturing or killing children, constantly push her to be the new leader of non-human society, and almost seem to want her to be a dictator. They immediately start training her for that role. Whenever she is around them, that is the only thing they talk about. They do say that if she doesn’t become this all powerful leader, then she will be killed, but they offer her no additional reassurances or condolences. She’s also been separated from her family and friends, who believe she is dead. She can’t return to them.

Only a month into her training, she’s given the role of the leader of non-human society. With all of what had happened in that month, it makes total sense why she would start abusing her power and think she deserves to be a dictator. It makes total sense why she would scare people into respecting her. And it makes total sense why she would be torturing and almost killing people.

The politics of non-human society are clearly very messed up. In fact, was non-human society even in that much disarray without a progenitor? What was Kraven and Verona’s main reasoning in bringing progenitors back? So that a dictator could be in control of non-human society again?

What I’m trying to say is that, all of what I just said about the politics and Verona being unlikable, would be fine, maybe even good, if the story was able to acknowledge or address in some way that that is indeed what’s happening, which it never fully does. And yes, I know I’ve already said that but I feel the need to say it again because it bugs me. This story is primarily a political drama, and as one it should acknowledge the full extent of the politics in its world.

I mentioned that when Verona is around, the only thing her mentors want to talk about is her role as the potential new leader, and there’s one scene that comes to mind regarding that.

“You’re… angry,” Jared murmurs. “Anger doesn’t mean you will win. Just because I beat you so much doesn’t mean you need to grow exasperated, you are doing incredibly well in spite of your situation.”

“It’s not that!” I yell; my chest heaves with my sobs. “I just wanted to take it out on something! On someone! It’s got nothing to do with us sparring, it’s got nothing to do with my lessons, though they are contributing factors. I hate myself!”

I hear the grass being bent as Jared sits down next to my crumpled form. “Why?” Jared asks. “We don’t need to fight anymore today. You won’t learn anything like this anyway. Why are you so angry? Why are you so upset?”

“Why the fuck do you care?”

Jared doesn’t say anything for a while. Seemingly affirming my belief that the only thing he cares about is my status, just like everyone else. He clears his throat. “Fine. If that’s how you think it is, then that’s the way you will think it is. Nothing I say will convince you otherwise, and our relationship is too limited for me to provide you with even the slightest amount of confidence in what I say. Regardless, I do want my questions answered -- whether you think I care or not doesn’t matter. However, you should placate my interest.”

This is from Chapter 13, when Verona is still upset and guilty about using magic to convince her sister she’s Blake. She tells Jared about her problem, and is unsatisfied with his response.

I expect him to say something else, but he doesn’t say anything besides that. “Are you not going to say anything else. To make me feel better about myself?” I ask bitterly.

“That won’t make you feel better. It was your choice to do what you did and you have to find your own way to feel better about it. I’m just neither surprised or angry at you for doing it.”

Of course. He didn’t say he was going to help me, nor is he the kind of person emotionally invested in anything. He just wanted to hear why I was angry and that was all he was interested in. I blink slowly, my anger hasn’t dissipated, but I can only blame my own foolishness for telling someone about my problems and not acknowledging that maybe they wouldn’t need to help me work out my concerns.

I’m not sure what the intention was with this scene, but Verona is completely right to be mad here. None of her mentors have given her any reason to believe they care about anything other than her status. They never try to form any real emotional connection with her, or treat her like an actual person instead of a potential leader. Jared may be saying otherwise, but his actions speak far louder than his words.

Okay, as this review is coming to a close, there’s a few other things I want to bring up (which will probably take a while because of how long I spend on every topic here, sorry). The first is that the muggers from the first chapter are all killed due to Verona’s blood rage. Her reaction upon learning this feels odd to me.

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it. I understand that I am responsible for the deaths of others, but right now, I can’t comprehend that it was me who killed them. I don’t understand the feeling of sinking my fangs into someone’s neck, I can’t feel them fighting against me, or even understand that my power can create a vice on a person so strong that a grown man can’t escape. I’m not sure whether I feel no remorse for my actions or just can’t think of my actions not long ago as being mine. In fairness, they weren’t my actions, they were the actions of a monster -- someone who turned to animalistic instincts to get the blood they needed. So, no, I feel no culpability, but I can’t consider that it will be the same in the future.

I guess it’s alright? But I feel it would be more natural for her to not feel remorse because the people that died due to her blood rage were already trying to kill her. I don’t know, it’s a very small nitpick but I felt like bringing it up.

One of the assistants in the Thornton’s mansion, Syra, is a bit of a creep.

My shower isn’t fast, my reasoning being completely understandable, but when I do finish in the shower, it feels like there’s nothing more I can do. I leave the bathroom dressed in my underwear to do my hair. It seems like my schedule needs to change because of this. I suppose this is what it’s like for all women -- or at least a vast majority of them.

A voice comes from my life, nearly scaring the soul out of me. “By ze look of zhings, it looks like zhe Lady vas right.” I turn to face her, with my face blazing red; she smiles, knowing exactly what she did. “I vas vaiting for you to finish in ze shover for a vhile now. I figured zhat it vould be amusing to surprise you.”

If someone just went into my bathroom while I was taking a shower and “surprised” me like that I’d be pretty angry.

I don’t think the fight scenes are written very well.

There’s a loud crunch near my ear, my eyes fill with red, and pain shoots through my arm. I fly through the air, the wind screaming through my ears. I shoot through a group of startled students, who scatter to the side as I fly passed. I correct my angle, bringing my feet out beneath me and landing on the ground which explodes to the side as I brace my muscles. I come to a stop, straightening out, and looking toward Jared, who is standing about twenty meters away.

I stand up, taking a brief look at my arm, which is bent at a strange angle. I grind my teeth, then quickly straighten it. Pain bursts through my arm, then is immediately quelled as I feel my bones fusing together once again. My regeneration speed is unparalleled, but I still can’t actively hurt myself to help achieve any sort of victory. That’s the only case where blood rage could be useful.

I flick Icecrystal, which whistles through the air, then I charge. Jared smiles once again, charging toward me once again. We meet each other, my blade meeting his, and I push forward with all my strength, fighting against the force that threatens to drive us apart once again. I manage to keep my blade steady, and it descends toward Jared’s chest.

He twists his halberd, meeting the tip of my sword with the haft, his arms are pushed toward his body, and he tenses, I can tell that he’s going for a diagonal strike. I slide to the right and down, sweeping my leg, swiping his feet out from under him. He drops to the side, sticking his halberd into the ground, to prevent himself from falling down completely.

They go on too long, and each one feels like a list of actions. It’s not engaging to read. Also, this specific fight scene is in Chapter 22, and Jared states that Verona must fight in public for all the other students to see, and that she needs to win against Jared for the other students to believe she really is all-powerful. This is another reason why it was not a good idea for these characters to give Verona the role of leader so early on, when she's not even guaranteed to beat Jared yet.

Some of the magic progenitors have allows them control over elements (Verona can control water), and in Chapter 18 when Verona finally becomes a progenitor, it's revealed that they have an “aura”, in which a person can feel their presence without seeing them. This aura seems like a huge inconvenience for such a significant political figure, almost like an invitation to assassination attempts. It’s definitely an interesting idea for this series to explore and play around with.

Progenitors, pure bloods, and even half bloods are all immortal, and I do like how in this story, it hasn’t really set in for Verona what that means for her life. I’m interested in seeing how the series as a whole handles it.

I think Chapters 1 and 28 are the strongest in the story. The first chapter sets up the plot in an intriguing way and there are a few minor details about it that I like. For instance, this paragraph in the beginning.

He flips the coin and I watch it rotate in the air a few times before descending. Steven steps back, allowing it to descend to the cracked concrete below our feet. It bounces, then spins twice and lands on the ground, resting with the profile of a woman with long hair being displayed to me. My bad luck loses me another coin flip. I deflate and kick at the ground, while Jo throws his hands in the air and releases a guttural roar of victory.

Considering the site this was posted on, some might say this shouldn’t be called foreshadowing, but I’d disagree. It’s a nice bit of subtle foreshadowing, and definitely better than the blatant, in-your-face foreshadowing in “For a Girl”.

There’s also a mini arc here where Blake has really bad luck, which is partially responsible for him getting into the situation with non-humans to begin with. Later on in the chapter, when he’s forced to drink from one of twenty one chalices, he takes note of his chances of survival, which are very low.

I raise an eyebrow, but say nothing in response, instead applying myself to counting the chalices. In total, there’s twenty-one of them. A blackjack, and also far worse odds than a simple coin flip. There’s still a part of me that wants to throw my chips on the chance I will be saved, that I won’t end up like the skeletons in here, but I don’t know those odds. When you have odds presented to you, you need a definable number, and I don’t have enough to render escape possible. I’m no gambling man, but if I was, I would take the one in twenty-one chance.

And despite his bad luck, he chooses the right chalice and lives. And then his bad luck is never mentioned again. It’s the perfect, one chapter mini arc.

The last chapter gives Verona some much needed introspection on her life and what she has become.

The strong aroma of freshly ground coffee beans drift out from the inside of the store. As I smell the aroma of the coffee in the air, overlooking the place that changed my life, I have come to understand the emotions I’m feeling, the hole in my chest that I haven’t felt since becoming a vampire, a mixture of loneliness and disappointment. I’ve become addicted to my status, addicted to the power I hold, addicted to using that power. Now that it’s all just… over I don’t feel happy. I’m disgusted in the new person I’ve become. That I want my own self-satisfaction of using an unparalleled power over the happiness of tens thousands.

Verona feels like a real person here, and the final fight with Amon is the best written fight scene in the story.

I know I’ve ragged on the politics in this story a lot, but there is one political scene I really liked.

In Chapter 27, an amendment is being passed in parliament that will guarantee non-humans all the rights that humans have. It passes, but before the vote there are arguments heard from both sides for and against.

“Good, then Leader of the Opposition and Shadow Leader of the House, please step forth.”

Both the Leader of the Opposition Isaac Greene and the Shadow Leader of the House Betty Smithy. They swear themselves in and then share a few words, before Isaac steps forth. “I can’t bear to provide any arguments against giving non-humans a place in our society. To just let them die, but my view is that the way we are giving them that sense of freedom and protection is ultimately the wrong way to be doing it. We should make laws for them, not make them for laws. We should draft something unique, something perfect that allows them a personal place in our world. With that I hand the floor to Prime Minister Limey.”

I love this. It’s the exact kind of bullshit you’d expect to hear from a politician who really doesn’t want a minority group to have rights but has to pretend like they do. You hear this kind of shit all the time in real life. It’s great.

Since this is a TG story I should probably dedicate a section of this review to talking about the TG elements of it.

Remember in the “Of Heroes And Villains” review where I said that there were some stories in the list of ones I’m reviewing where the TG elements were less relevant to the plot than it? Well, here’s one of them. The TG elements are definitely in the background here, to the point where Verona being a former guy is not brought up at all in the last eight chapters. Verona is not an explicitly trans character, nor is she really implied to be at any point. However, she also shows little distress at becoming a girl.

Well, okay that last sentence isn’t the full picture. She freaks out in Chapter 2 when she first wakes up. But after that she’s mostly fine with it. This may sound like criticism so I want to make it clear that it’s not. If a TG story wants the main plot and conflict to come from the gender transformation, then that’s fine. If a TG story wants the gender transformation to be more of a minor or background element, then that’s also fine.

There isn’t much in the story dealing with Verona adapting to being a woman. There is a part in Chapters 13 and 14 where she deals with her first period, but that’s basically it. For the most part, it’s brushed aside.

Well, there’s also this part.

When I rejoin Leliana she’s busy chatting with Peter, and by chatting, I mean Peter is condescending to her, a thing I’ve grown more than accustomed to seeing. “Ah, glad you could join us Lord Peter,” I announce. “However, I do not take kindly to the way you’re treating dear Leliana.”

I’m pretty sure this is referring to mansplaining.

If it were up to me, “Fangs” would probably tap into the gender bending aspect more, but again, that’s just me.

There is something I will criticize about the TG elements of this story, and that’s that, for someone who is very adamant about hiding the fact she used to be a guy, Verona is pretty awful at actually hiding that.

In Chapter 2, she is extremely uncomfortable with telling Summer her name and specifically requests Callum leave the room so he doesn’t hear it.

“Leave,” Lord Summer intones, his voice firm and authoritative. Callum slowly rises from his seat, giving me a slight smile as he does so, then walks from the room, finally obeying his Father’s command. As soon as Callum is gone, Lord Summer returns to conversing with me. “Is this acceptable?”

I nod and swallow past a lump in my throat; “Blake--” I say. “I -- I was a man.”

He clears his throat and scratches at his neck. “Ah -- I see why you were so concerned with telling me.” Lord Summer considers my issue for a moment, not finding my problem amusing. 

She doesn’t tell another person about her past as a guy until Chapter 13 when she confesses it to Summer’s wife, Lily (who’s actually a dryad, not a werewolf, I wonder if she’s Callum, Scylla, and Iva’s biological mother).

Lily frowns. “You are taking this rather strangely for a girl of your age. Is that really such a concerning thing for a pureblood vampire?”

“No -- no, that’s the easy part. It’s just a dosage increase to my blood -- but still -- I’m scared of it.”

“Scared of it? You’re seventeen. It can’t be that late for you can it -- or did you have a condition where you couldn’t have one or something?”

My nervousness increases. “Ha, you could say something like that. Uh -- I wasn’t a girl.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I mean -- I was a guy.”

Lily’s face grows a darker shade of green, which appears to be the signs of her blushing. “Oh, that is quite troubling. Which would explain why you can’t notice the signs of PMS and why you’re taking this conversation rather apprehensively.”

I don’t feel the shame of telling Lily who I was before I became a vampire, because right now, I’m kind of in the situation where I’m really not sure what the hell I should do and Lily might be the only one I can trust to help me in this situation.

She’s pretty ambivalent about doing it though. She only tells Lily because she needs help dealing with a period and isn’t willing to tell anyone else.

The main point here is that Verona is very adamant about people not knowing she was once a guy. With this in mind, I find the events of Chapter 20 to be a bit confusing.

Something I didn’t mention about this chapter is that Callum joins Verona and Sammy throughout the entirety of it. And while Summer did make Verona take a bodyguard, Verona specifically chose Callum for that role.

At one point, two hunters approach and Verona calls Callum over to help her deal with them. No fight ensues and Verona is able to convince them to leave, however during the conversation, this exchange occurs…

“And your relationship with Miss Singles, Blake Singles’ twin sister?” Amon presses. “Since she’s returned from the Red Line many weeks ago, her mood has greatly improved. One of the other Pursuers sighted you walking in the direction of the Red Line.”

“Hm. I wonder why they didn’t stop us then,” I muse.

“They were tied up.”

“Literally?” I gasp.

Amon rolls his eyes. “They were busy. Answer the questions -- actually, no, Miss Singles, can you please answer the question.”

“I -- uh ,” Sammie seems startled, trying to gather a response. “It’s just -- I ran to the Red Line, because Verona said that she knew something about Blake but…”

“So you do know Blake!” Luna yells, accusingly.

I roll my eyes. “Let her say the whole story.”

“She didn’t know Blake,” Sammie continues. “I was pissed, I threw a glass at her, but… um… she helped me understand, she helped me… manage. It’s been tough and I still hold out hope to see Blake, but I also know that it’s not my fault that I don’t know where he is, and I needed to stop blaming myself for it.”

…while Callum is in earshot.

What bothers me the most here is the fact that Verona has no reaction to the fact that Callum now knows she was a guy. For someone who was very adamant about no one finding that out for so long, I find that incredibly hard to believe.

I can understand that, in the heat of the moment, she might think having Callum within earshot to help deal with the hunters is worth him potentially learning things about her she’d rather keep secret. But the story goes on as if Callum still doesn’t know Verona’s past as a guy. I can understand why he wouldn’t want to bring that up to her. I think most people would want to avoid an awkward conversation like that. But Verona should still at least have something to say about this, and yet she never does.

I'm sure a question most people are going to ask is which version of this story do I think is better. Now obviously, since I'm not doing a full review of the old version, I can’t go in depth with all the positives and negatives of it. With that being said, after reading both versions of this story back to back, I’d honestly say they’re about the same quality. I’m not really interested in explaining why I think that, I just think they’re equal.

As I’ve said numerous times in this review, “Fangs” ends on a cliffhanger. In the last chapter, Amon injects Verona with a chemical called demozium, and then later gets killed by Cameron. Cameron saves Verona, and then the story cuts to a scene in third person POV, depicting Van Helsing, the main protagonist of “Dracula”, excited to hear that Hunter has been abolished. He wishes to meet Verona and presumably fight with her.

Lionel clears his throat, his face turning as red as a cherry. “My Lord, all HUNTER operations in Pangea have been squelched. We’ve lost our foothold in Pangea.”

“Oh? Is that right?” Lionel flinches, covering his face, but instead the Maestro laughs, his voice echoing through the large room.

Lionel lifts his head slightly, seeing the twenty-something year old man gleefully enjoying such an event. His long black hair sweeps the back of the chair, his stormy green eyes quiver in their sockets, his large fangs flash in the candlelight.

“Finally, my centuries of boredom is coming to an end! Come Verona, I can’t wait to feel the strength of a Progenitor again!”

By itself it’s a solid note to end on, but the cliffhanger here feels very unsatisfying. I don’t feel like I’ve read a complete story, and instead of the plot coming to natural conclusion, it just kind of stops.

I know, the point of a cliffhanger is to continue the plot in another installment. Obviously “Fangs” is not going to be a completed plot, but it should still have a narratively satisfying ending. The reader should leave feeling like this one individual story was complete, and that’s not at all the feeling I got. I just felt that the story didn’t end properly. It’s a pretty bad cliffhanger all around.

Oh, and the last thing I want to mention is that this whole story takes place in a setting called Pangea. That’s kind of neat.

Well, I guess that’s it. Wow, this was another long review. According to Google Docs, this is coming out at just over 20K words, but since I’m not doing screenshots anymore, the text in quotes is now part of the text in the overall document. So really, this review is probably about as long as the “Of Heroes And Villains” one.

Some of the criticisms I brought up in this review I also brought up in a review of its sequel on TG Storytime, and Misaania did respond to them. If you took the time to read this review, you should also take the time to read that review, the link of which is right here: https://tgstorytime.com/reviews.php?type=ST&item=6633

Looking back through this review I can't help but feel like a bit of a dick. After all, my own writing is not perfect and has a ton of flaws so who am I to complain about anyone else’s? “Shame and Desire” has a ton of problems and I can’t ignore that. And it’s not as if writing is any of these author’s jobs. They do not get any money from writing these stories, so the fact that they find the time and effort to write them in their spare time at all is worthy of serious praise.

Admittedly my justification for the ethicality of these reviews is extremely flimsy, but I’ll give it regardless. First, I make it a point to be as nice and constructive as possible in these reviews. If in any part of them I come off like a dick, I ask that it be pointed out. Second, I sort of came at this with the mindset of “if someone posted a 20K word long in-depth review of my writing, I’d be flattered”, but I know not everyone works like that so that’s probably a bad reason. Anyway, third, I’ve heard some pretty mean things said publicly about specific free online stories on the internet. This includes online TG stories. Comparatively, my reviews are blogposts that are relatively hard to find that only about 30 or so people ever read. The chance of review bombing is basically zero. And fourth, I’m willing to delete a review if an author wants me to. I understand that it is very unlikely that any of these authors will come across these reviews, but it’s still possible.

Yeah I’m reaching here, and a lot of people will ask why I would even want to give such long reviews of free online stories in the first place. Why not instead put that kind of energy on published works? And to be honest I don’t know the answer to that. I mean, I could write a long essay on why “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas” is offensively terrible, but I wouldn’t have anything new to add to the conversation that hadn’t already been said. I guess I just want to do something that I haven’t seen done before. Even if it’s something as silly and stupid as taking a look at online gender bending webnovels.

The sequel to “Fangs”, titled “Maestro” is currently being posted to TG Storytime. However, as of today it hasn’t been updated since last July. Misaania is one of the few authors on TG Storytime’s most favorite list that has had a recent online presence. I just hope they’re okay, and doing well.

I thought long and hard about this story’s rating, and if I should even continue to give ratings for these stories at all. My justification here is that people give ratings to these stories on the websites they’re posted on, but understandably those have a much more personal touch, as you’re basically posting a comment for the author to read, which isn’t what’s happening here.

For now though, I’ll keep giving ratings. And when it comes to “Fangs”, even though I think it has a lot of flaws, and I was disappointed with how it turned out, it has the potential to become a really good series. For TG Storytime, it has quite a bit of depth, and the world and politics it presents are certainly interesting.

It has a ton of ambition, and on a site that has a lot of stories that don’t aim very high, that means a lot. I still don’t really like it, but I absolutely respect it.

Rating: 6/10

The next story I’ll be reviewing is “Hush” by Clarity. See you all later and have a good one!