The Face of TG Storytime Part 11: "The Elementalist" by FantasyGirl Review

The Face of TG Storytime

Part 11: "The Elementalist" by FantasyGirl Review 

tw // grooming, sexual assault

We’ve now hit our second unfinished story in this series and, unlike last time, there aren’t any fan continuations with this one. I guess you could say this is the first truly unfinished story, but that’s only if you consider the fan continuations of Suhara the true endings. By the way, I did update my ending for Suhara, if you want to check it out. And now I’m just self advertising so let’s get to the review.

“The Elementalist” was first posted on September 24, 2015 and was last posted on June 29, 2017. It is 55K words in total, and as said before, it is not finished. This is another TG Storytime exclusive story. Funnily enough, there are stories on BigCloset and ScribbleHub called “The Elementalist”, but they’re completely different works.

Now, if I can be brutally honest for a bit, when it comes to unfinished stories, I usually have one of two reactions. I’m either very disappointed or very apathetic. “Suhara of Curses” was a rare case of a third reaction from me, that being ambivalence. It was so close to being finished I could reasonably write an ending myself, which I did. But most of the time, it’s one of those first two reactions.

Unfortunately, “The Elementalist” fell firmly in the “apathetic” camp for me.

I know it sounds rude, but I really didn’t like this one. I’d never read it at all before doing this project, so I had very little idea of what to expect going in, and I came out pretty disappointed. A second reading only reaffirmed my problems with it.

The big problem with this story is one that ties into nearly every other problem with it, and that’s that it doesn’t really have a plot.

I feel I need to explain what I mean by “it doesn’t have a plot” because, as apparent from the Mario Movie discourse two years ago, that can be very easily misinterpreted. I'm not saying every story needs to be deep or complex, I'm just saying that stories should have a narrative, with characters that grow and change along with a plot that grows and changes. I understand avant-garde works can do different or unusual things with their writing, but “The Elementalist” is not avant-garde.

I think the main thing I’m getting at here is that if you're going to do away with a very fundamental part of fiction, in this case having a narrative, then you should do something meaningful in its place. And “The Elementalist”, much like the aforementioned Mario Movie, doesn't do that. It’s just a story with a weak and at times basically nonexistent narrative, with bad pacing and barebones character development for its MC.

This is not the first story in this series that’s going to have this problem, unfortunately.

If a story doesn’t have a plot, or doesn’t have any stakes, then there’s not much reason to become invested in it. It’s hard to become engaged with what’s happening because it all feels pointless. It creates a boring story. And I think that’s one of the biggest problems with “The Elementalist”, it’s boring.

I suppose it’s time to start elaborating on what I mean. To give a somewhat brief synopsis, “The Elementalist” takes place in the far future, after humans have had their planet completely taken over by the Elves, an alien race in this story. Because of how much humans were polluting Earth and causing global warming, the elves shut off all the technology, bringing humanity back to a more primitive age with no cars, no phones, no advanced medicine, and no TVs. Now the elves rule over the humans on this planet, and have even set up mining colonies meant to provide elves with minerals, which is where our main character, Devon, a 15 year old boy, currently lives. The story is told from his first person point of view. His best friend, Thomas, also 15, is almost approaching 16, and he has to choose a career before his birthday or else he’ll be forced out of the colony or forced to work in the mines and-

Hold on, what the fuck is going on here?

Okay so there are a few more details I could go over. The elves destroyed their own world so they travel across the universe searching for races who do not live “in harmony” with their planet, as in, they’re destroying their planet like the humans were. They can use magic, and all have two main powers. Their first is one relating to one of the four elements (fire, water, earth, wind), and their second is a special skill, such as healing. They can’t really reproduce or “increase their numbers”, so to speak. Instead they have a system where, upon death, an elf can become a passenger to another elf. The passenger has no physical body, but feels all the same sensations as their host. Then the host can get pregnant and give birth to the new elf’s body. During this process the elf will gain a new elemental power and secondary skill, replacing the old ones. Because of this system, there’s always a finite number of elves.

Oh, and also in this universe elves are naked basically all the time, which is completely normal for them, and like to have sex. They really like having sex and they do it a lot.

But none of that is relevant right now. I’m sure you can see from my synopsis that this is a pretty fucked up world right? The elves came to Earth, then forced the humans to work for them as they ruled over them. Sure, as said in the story there are some societies allowed to govern themselves, but only if the elves approve of it. So really the elves are constantly ruling over the human governments.

And they turned the technology off. They turned ALL the technology off.

Do you understand how many people would die if all the technology was turned off? What about hospital patients who depend on technology functioning to live? What about people on planes, helicopters, or ships? What about people who depend on food and aid imports from other regions to live? What about people who depend on modern medicine to live? Do they all just die? 

The death toll of something like that would be catastrophic, in the millions at least, probably even billions after a full year. There is no possible way the elves could’ve prepared themselves for all of it. Hell, just read the first few paragraphs of the story:

It was the year 518 T.R. The Elves had returned around the end of the 21st century. No one knows where they returned from. Our teachers taught us that they disabled all the technology that we used to have. They simply turned everything off.

Evidently we had become so dependent on our technology that the Elves easily defeated us without it. The Elves returned because we were killing our planet. A planet we used to call Earth but now is referred to as Azria. They had visited us before but it was long ago. They left so we could evolve on our own.

When they returned to check in on us, they found our planet dying. Most of the world was so polluted it was uninhabitable. They couldn't stand by and watch us destroy everything. They had made several attempts to correct our society but we always returned to our old ways. So this time some of them remained here to lead us.

“The elves easily defeated us without it”, okay so there was a war? The elves came to Earth, invaded the planet, and snuffed out any resistance? “Defeat” is kind of a vague word in this case. What, did they kill them? How many people did they kill in this war?

So, to keep track of everything, the elves in this story:

• Invaded Earth

• Turned off all the technology

• “Defeated” the humans who resisted

• Ruled over humans

• Force humans to mine for minerals for them (the story never says if the workers get anything in return for this)

• Have entire colonies set aside so humans provide elves with materials

• People born in those colonies have to pick a job at 16, or else they either have to leave or work in the mines

• Elves have to approve of all human led governments

This is fucking insane. And you know what? This is like a textbook example of how Western imperialism operates in the real world. Western countries like the U.S. and U.K. will invade poorer countries to extract resources, kill a bunch of people living there, do massive destruction of infrastructure, and force the people in those countries to work to provide those resources. They’ll overthrow entire governments and insert a person in power who will gladly do what the West wants, while that person brutalizes and kills the people living there. 

It happened in Iran in 1953, when the U.S. and U.K. worked to overthrow the democratically elected prime minister Mohammad Mosaddegh, for not letting the West control the oil industry there. They installed a pro-Western government who allowed the West control over the oil industry of Iran, while that government killed and tortured thousands of people living there.

I bring this up not just because of the striking similarity, but because so many alien invasion stories are based on this premise. That aliens come to Earth, overthrow all human led governments, and force the people living there to work for them while many of them get killed and tortured. That’s literally just colonialism, and it’s happening right now in the real world in multiple places.

The thing that makes “The Elementalist” particularly insane, is that in other alien invasion stories, the totalitarian alien led society is usually portrayed as being bad. It’s bad that aliens have taken over the world and see humans as lesser and disposable. Not in “The Elementalist” though. No, here, the elf led totalitarian society is actually good.

There is not a single instance in this story where it acknowledges that the world it has set up is bad. Usually you’d expect a thing like that to be a major plot point, but here, the story constantly goes on about how what the elves have done is good for humans. How humans can’t govern themselves, and how the elves invading their planet and taking complete control was for their own good. They needed it to live, and the humans need to constantly provide elves with resources in harsh conditions with presumably nothing in return. Do the workers get paid? Are they slaves? Can the miners stop being miners? The story never really answers those questions.

It’s so bizarre. Even “Fangs” sometimes acknowledged that some aspects of non-human society were pretty fucked, like the torture of children. There’s nothing like that here. It’s just all good, all the time.

And look, I know I might be injecting some of my personal views here. Please trust me when I say I’m not a person who needs the main character to announce that they’re the exact kind of leftist that I am in order to enjoy a piece of work. But, when you have such a blatantly totalitarian society where humans are ruled over by an alien race, who invaded and conquered their planet by force, and you constantly say that society is good, it’s going to bother me. Especially in a story like this where politics are very important to the plot. It’s like if the original Star Wars trilogy was about how the Empire is actually really cool and good.

I want to be a bit more forgiving to this story because it is unfinished, and it certainly is possible that it was going to delve into some of the darker aspects of this society if it was completed. But even that’s difficult because, as I’ve said, the story doesn’t really have a plot. Over half of the 22 chapters we have don’t really focus on anything substantial, and are often filled with long, repetitive sex scenes. There’s hardly any plot development in them.

And that’s the big reason why the pacing of the story is so poor. So much of it is just sex scenes. They’re repetitive, not well spaced out, and don’t add anything, especially when there’s so many of them so close together. I’ve never been one to complain about sex scenes, but this story has too many of them that go on for too long, and they really get in the way of the plot.

So that’s the basic background of the story. To finally get more specific about what it is about, in the first chapter, Devon, Thomas, and a bunch of other friends of Devon who never appear nor are mentioned again after this chapter go out to the river to fish for the day. The colony Devon lives in is one of the ones mostly allowed to govern themselves, with Devon’s father even being on the governing council, thanks to being the only descendant of a founding member left (boy I love nepotism). 

Jokes aside, if there’s one aspect of the worldbuilding I like here, it’s having a futuristic setting where humans have to navigate a much more primitive world. It’s not the first time something like that has been done, but I do like how this story handles it. Humans don’t even understand certain words and phrases that make sense to us today. For instance, late in the story (after Devon has been transformed into a girl), he hears the word “broadcast” and doesn’t understand what it means. And I like how when Devon, or Eza as she’s named in that part of the story, finally sees cars and phone lines for the first time, she doesn’t even know how to process them.

There were areas filled with odd looking machines. And wires running across the sky. I couldn't believe how different everything looked.

She doesn’t even know what bricks are.

But this city seemed untouched by time. The buildings were made of some type of red blocks that I hadn't seen before.

This all happens in an abandoned city that has since become run by the elves. Pretty usual for a city in a setting like this, but something that really strikes me is how Eza says she sees pictures of old city buildings from books at school. I realize that, without the internet, a lot of art and knowledge has been completely lost to time, probably forever. Not only that, but the world has lost so much interconnection, and a lot of history has been lost as well. It’s a huge missed opportunity for the story to not bring these things up.

Most old cities are, as Eza describes, overrun with crops and vegetation. But the city she’s in now seems to have stood the test of time better than most, likely because of the elves living there. Regardless, I do like her reaction to seeing city buildings in person.

I like how both Thomas (who is also in the city here) and Eza see old technology as ancient, incomprehensible artifacts, and the story makes them feel like that too. Furthermore, I like the more minor aspects of the world, like how Devon hunts with a bow and arrow or how the human’s way of cleaning and cutting up animals for food is really primitive compared to what we have today. Overall, the author’s portrayal of this society was pretty good, and especially unique for TG Storytime. I did like reading about how humans live life without technology, and there are creative things done with it.

To get back to the first chapter, Devon sees a naked, fatally wounded female elf lying in the river, close to dying (elves have blue blood with green swirls in this story). He immediately yells to his friends for help. The elf is able to talk to him and asks if there are any other elves nearby. He says no, and she asks him to kiss her, which he does, mostly being in a trance, before the elf disappears and Devon falls unconscious into the water.

In the next few chapters, we learn that the elf’s name was Tristance, and that she has become Devon’s passenger, and she remains as such for the duration of the story. She can’t influence Devon’s thoughts, but she can read them and communicate with him through speaking in his head, which he hears as if she’s right in front of him. From there, they go to the library to speak with a female elf over a communication portal, a device elves use to communicate with one another. The elf on the other end agrees to send a female elf over to the colony in order to pass on Tristance. 

In this chapter, we learn that: human hosts for elf passengers are rare, and that the dwarves are invading Earth, or rather Azria. It was the Dwarves’ attacks that critically injured Tristance, and the elves are on the brink of a race war with them. Dwarves are said to be all over the planet, which is why it is going to take days for that elf to reach Devon’s colony. They need many safety precautions.

I do like what this story does with the… headmates(is that what it’s called?) idea. Tristance and Devon have good chemistry with each other, and their banter can be pretty entertaining.

"First of all, I'm not a girl. I'm a grown woman. And secondly, if you don't respect the lives you take what's to stop you from killing people next?"

Wow! That's quite a leap from deer to people! And secondly, you're not a grown woman anymore. As a matter of fact you'll be a crying baby girl pretty soon. I laughed.

"Elf babies don't cry unless they're hurt. We are born with all our memories and knowledge from our previous lives. While it will take some time for me to learn to control my new body, I won't be crying all night wanting attention like you did."

I was laughing too hard to answer. I was picturing Tristance's old adult body in a baby diaper.

"Very funny." The image changed to one of a nude Tristance sucking on a female Elf's nipple. "Don't be jealous."

I think Tristance’s character does at least get… fleshed out adequately, from this plotline, even if overall development is weak. However, I want to bring up the race war idea. First off, we never actually see a dwarf attack happen in this story. In fact we never see a single dwarf at all. And second, it’s hardly ever relevant. It’s only mentioned a couple times that the dwarves are trying to attack the elves while so much attention is put into sex scenes. “We’re on the brink of war” but none of that is ever apparent from what actually happens.

But third, and most importantly, while I don’t doubt the dwarves taking over human society by force and enslaving them, as Tristance says they will do, would be very bad, her comments on the dwarves reveal the underlying hypocrisy of the elves that is never addressed.

This is what Tristance says about the dwarves:

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to think of that. But yes that is what's left of the last world they colonized. They move in and strip the land of everything they consider valuable, destroying all life in the process. That's why we can't let them get a stronghold here."

I felt tears rolling down my cheeks.

They “colonize worlds and destroy all life”. Okay, but Tristance, in your attempt to “reform” Earth, you turned off all technology, which undoubtedly killed hundreds of millions of people, possibly billions, and forcibly invaded the planet. The elves started a war with humans, then overtook their planet and ruled over them. Almost certainly they “destroyed life”.

Hell, take a look at what Tristance says in Chapter 2 about the dwarves:

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. But yes, Elves are very powerful. But a lot of that power comes from our magic and Dwarves are resistant to it. One on one we can take them easily but there were eight of them that ambushed me. They outnumbered us nearly five to one the last time they invaded but that was a few millennia ago. There's no telling how many of them there are this time. And they wouldn't help you. They would enslave you. We have tried to help you live in peace with your planet. I'm sorry that you feel like you don't have your freedom."

But the elves literally have entire colonies set up just so humans can provide minerals for them! And they coerce teenagers into taking those mining jobs, on the threat of making them leave with their familiesleft behind. Couldn’t that be considered a form of slavery? Especially when it’s never made clear if the workers are getting compensated for their work? Let alone if they’re getting compensated fairly?

Also, from the above quote it’s said that the dwarves invaded the elves and began a war with them, which ended up causing the deaths of a ton of elves. But how is this different from the elves invading Earth and almost certainly killing a ton of humans in the process? Is it because the ends justify the means? Is it because the elves had a much better vision in mind for the future of humanity rather than just brutalizing humans for the hell of it like the dwarves?

Here’s my question, what if the dwarves in this story have a very similar philosophy to the elves? What if they see the elves as a “savage race” (just as the elves do the dwarves) and are invading Earth because they do not believe elves have “reformed” humanity well enough? What if their initial motivation for the invasion was because they wanted to “reform” the elven planet? These are all questions I’m forced to think about considering how awful what the elves did in-universe is, and how insane it is that the story constantly justifies it as good.

In the next few chapters we see Devon adjust to having Tristance as a passenger, while also having to hide that fact from his family. We also see Devon hunt a deer in one chapter, and Tristance convinces him to do it naked like an elf.

Eventually, we do get to the part where the female elf arrives, in Chapter 6, ready to take Tristance away. We get our first sex scene of the story.

And oh boy, is it a hard one to get through.

So, Tristance convinces Devon to have sex with Cazina, the female elf ready to take her from him, as she’s curious what it feels like as a man. Devon is clearly uncomfortable with the prospect, but Tristance manages to push him to do it.

I feel I need to remind you all that Devon is 15 years old. And these elves are hundreds or thousands of years old. Essentially, these elves pushed a teenager into having sex with them, so this scene is technically statutory rape.

And I know what some people reading this might be thinking. “Oh, stop being such a buzzkill over this stuff, it’s not a big deal.” And you know what? You’re probably right. In the grand scheme of things, an anonymously written online story having one scene of 100+ year old elves pushing a 15 year old into having sex with them is not really a big deal. I mean hell, in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, Angel is a 100+ year old vampire essentially stalking and falling in love with a 16 year old girl. He has sex with her when she’s 17. He’s 100% a pedophile and even most Buffy fans admit it. But in the grand scheme of things, it’s not an earth shatteringly bad thing.

But I still think these kinds of things should be critiqued. Plus, old TG stories, and really all anonymous online fiction from fanfiction to erotica has a serious problem of showing extremely messed up stuff with no tact or respect. I’m not saying “The Elementalist” is the worst case of this or even a particularly noteworthy one. But it is a case of it nonetheless.

Cazina is not able to get Tristance’s spirit out of Devon, as her spirit has now bonded with his body and will not separate. So they decide to go to the Capital to see if a group of elves called the Elders can get her out. Since Devon is a human, they can not travel by “the jump”, the way elves usually travel large distances. Humans can not survive this. So they will need to travel by foot.

In Chapter 7, Devon bids farewell to his parents and his younger brother, telling them of his trip to the Capital with Cazina. At the end, he leaves, and that’s the last we ever see of his family in the story.

The next set of chapters detail the journey from the village to the Capital, which takes multiple days. This is where the pacing of the story grinds to a screeching halt. The characters depart in Chapter 8. They don’t reach the Capital until Chapter 21. There is hardly any character development during any of this. Instead, nearly every chapter delves into overly long sex scenes that get more tiring each time. 

I’ve neglected to mention this part up until now so finally I’ll explain how the transformation happens in this story. It’s surprisingly rather intricate. It’s not fully explained until Chapter 21, but basically, the mines in Devon’s home village are filled with a mineral called Fosforgust, which gives Elves the ability to store their magic in an item for later use. Devon was exposed to this mineral a lot, and his blood became full of it. When Tristance’s spirit bonded with Devon’s body, it activated this mineral and turned him into an elf.

Throughout the story, right from Chapter 2 once he becomes Tristance’s host, Devon very gradually begins transforming into an elf. The transformation does not finish until Chapter 11. Apparently all elves have long hair so his hair begins growing very quickly. Something that bugs me is that it’s incredibly obvious to the reader Devon is becoming an elf, but none of the characters even suspect it. I understand that since this is on TG Storytime, obviously the reader will know a transformation is happening. But the characters in the story, particularly the elves themselves, should realize what’s going on when Devon is suddenly more comfortable being naked. Instead all his changes are treated as some big mystery.

Regardless, I do like that there was more thought put into how the transformation happened other than just “Tristance being Devon’s passenger made him an elf girl”. It wouldn’t even fully work considering the story mentions humans having been hosts for elves before. It also creates the possibility of more humans going through a similar transformation and becoming elves, which would’ve been an interesting idea to capitalize on if this story was continued.

And yes, Devon becomes a female elf. This is TG Storytime after all. There’s no explanation for the gender change given but I have a theory. Since Tristance’s spirit has bonded with Devon’s body, and there’s no way for her to leave without Devon giving birth, the magic decides to transform Devon into a girl to make that possible. Considering pregnancy is tagged here, I’m assuming this was going to happen had the story continued.

By the way, you might wonder why incest is tagged here. Before I read this story for the first time, I saw that tag and immediately became more hesitant to read. I knew I had to for this project, but I was still worried. Well, the reason it was tagged is because, since elves have been reborn by each other so many times, they’re technically all related. That’s how the story explains it.

It’s a pretty weak reason. If you ask me, the incest tag should not have been added. I would say it could drive people away from reading, but since this is one of the most popular TGST stories that clearly is not the case.

This is another story where the MC becomes very overpowered, as when Devon becomes an elf, he gains ALL elemental powers (hence the title). She never gains a special skill, though it’s implied it may be healing. It makes the title make sense, but I still think this is a little overkill. It’s not like “Suhara of Curses”, where the MC had to accomplish something with her new powers, instead they’re just given.

This is also another story where the MC becomes extremely attractive and beautiful, with Cazina describing Eza as “a knockout” and saying she’s jealous of her. It’s a TG story, so you have to expect this sort of thing.

A couple notable things happen during this stretch of 13 chapters, such as Devon taking on the name Eza as Tristance recommended the name. Tristance says Devon reminds her of Eza, who died in their home world. This name is mainly taken on because Thomas followed Cazina and Devon on their journey, and post transformation they needed to pretend Eza wasn’t Devon.

Speaking of Thomas, I like that the story doesn’t completely forget about him. Him following Devon and Cazina makes sense. Once he catches up, Devon is already transformed, so he tries to kill them. The two lie and say they’re decoys in case they were attacked, and Devon is already at the Capital. He buys it and begins following along with them.

Probably the weirdest scene in the entire story comes at the end of Chapter 13, after Thomas has already joined Eza and Cazina. Eza and Cazina are having sex in a tent, and Eza’s vagina is hanging out of the opening. Thomas takes this opportunity to fuck Eza. I’m gonna say he finishes inside her, because I might as well adopt the explicit language of the story in this review. Once he’s done, he says this:

Thomas stuck his head in the tent. He had a huge smile on his face. “I can’t believe you let me have sex with you too. Will I be able to do it again?”

Then the following happens:

I just nodded my head yes. He closed the flap and went back to his tent. “Devon, are you ok?” Cazina had her hands on my cheeks.

“I can’t be Devon while he’s here. I have to be Eza. I have to become someone else or I’ll never be able to look at him again.”

“Alright. Eza, are you ok?”

“I’m ok. Or at least I will be. Just let me process what just happened.” I could still feel his cum inside me.

So, this is rape right? Thomas just started having sex with Eza without asking her first, and even said “I can’t believe you let me have sex with you too” when he was done, despite her never letting him do it in the first place.

Even one of Eza’s lines, “I have to become someone else or I’ll never be able to look at him again” implies that she’s upset or at the very least uncomfortable. She’s startled and doesn’t know what to think. She just turned into a girl and her best friend raped her not even knowing it was her. This seems like a realistic reaction to that. When I first read it, I thought that’s what the story was getting at. Thomas just raped her and she didn’t know how to react.

But of course, that’s not what happens. The later chapters treat this as if it was a completely consensual experience and it’s dropped. I wasn’t surprised to see that, if the story couldn’t acknowledge Cazina had committed statutory rape, then it wasn’t going to acknowledge this as rape either. I really feel bad for Eza, she’s been raped by all three of the major supporting characters here and the story doesn’t even acknowledge it.

As the chapters go on, Eza eventually decides that she doesn’t want to change back, coming to see her new transformation as a gift. She understands she’s gonna need to tell Thomas and her family at some point, but unfortunately the moment she says all of this to Cazina is the moment Thomas overhears it.

I climbed out of the tent the following morning to find Cazina already awake. Both of the men were still sound asleep. "How are you feeling today?" Cazina asked as I sat down beside her. The sun was just starting to rise.

I smiled. "Pretty good actually. It's strange but I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest." I cupped my tits. "Well figuratively anyway."

Cazina put her arm around my waist. "So you're ok with all this now?"

"I did a lot of thinking last night. I just can't see myself giving up this gift that I have been given. I don't think I could be happy with returning to my old life. I'm just worried about what happens now. Will the rest of the Elves accept me like this? Or am I going to be looked at like some kind of freak?"

Cazina put her head on my shoulder. "You're going to get a lot of attention at first. You're kinda special but eventually everyone will go about their normal lives. So don't worry if everyone treats you a little different at first. They'll get used to having you around. Have you decided what to tell Thomas and your family?"

"Not really. I want to tell them what happened to me but I'm afraid they won't accept me. I'm not even their son anymore. And Thomas..." I trailed off not knowing what to say.

"Devon?" I heard Thomas ask as he opened his tent flap.

Thomas freaks out and runs off. Eza runs after him and explains what happened to her as she heals the cuts on his feet (in this story elf feet can withstand harsh terrain in ways humans can not). She says she liked having sex with him and says she likes being a woman now. Thomas accepts this pretty quickly and they’re able to reconcile.

In an earlier chapter, before Thomas realizes Eza is Devon, the group comes across a male elf named Hines, who used a bow to shoot arrows at one of their attackers… supposedly. We never actually see any attackers and it’s never relevant again. It could’ve added some tension to the story if there was a real threat, it’s a real missed opportunity. Hines is told about Eza’s situation and joins the group.

That’s the gist of what happens through Chapters 8 to 20. It seems like it would be enough content so they don’t start dragging, but again, you have to realize this is 13 chapters. And all of these events are still minor when compared to the abundance of sex scenes which make up the bulk of the content. Every chapter has at least two major sex scenes. You could say the fact that it takes so long to reach the capital creates build up, but again, that’s ruined when so much of these chapters just consists of sex scenes with no plot or character development. If there was a threat following them or we learned more about the world, these chapters could’ve worked a lot better, but as it stands, they become boring quickly. By this point the reader has probably forgotten about the dwarves, and funnily enough, they are never mentioned again after Chapter 9.

Everything that happens in these 13 chapters could’ve been accomplished in 6 or 7, which would’ve tightened up the pacing and made the story flow better. Most of these sex scenes could’ve been cut without losing anything. By the time they reach the Capital, it feels less like the culmination of so many chapters of build up, and more like “finally, the plot can resume”. But there’s only 2 chapters left at this point.

I’d say the chapters in the city are a step up from the ones in the forest, but again, since there are only 2 of them, not much happens. Thomas decides to put his clothes back on while he’s there while Eza and the rest of the elves remain naked. Then in the next chapter he gets naked. Humans in this city are usually naked to fit in. I can’t imagine how anyone could possibly be comfortable being naked in public but there’s a lot I don’t understand about people so to each their own.

Eza and Devon find old artifacts of modern human life that have been lost to time, such as cars, power lines, and brick buildings. As stated earlier in the review, it’s interesting to see their reactions to things that are commonplace to us.

Eza goes to a library to see the Elders, who predictably, are unable to get Tristance out of her. They ask for her blood and that’s how they find the Fosforgust. In one scene in the final chapter, Eza picks up a handful of dirt and somehow manages to create a perfect replica of the elves’ home planet, shocking Tristance. Eza also decides to just give up on finding a way to get Tristance out and commits to becoming pregnant. This chapter also reveals Tristance has chosen a mate, that being a male elf named Staldin. Thomas and Eza eat dinner with the Elders, then Cazina and Thomas leave to have sex. Eza leaves for the park and that’s where the story ends.

Again, and I know this will sound rude, but this cliffhanger just does not leave me wondering what’s happening next. The story wasn’t interesting or exciting enough to make me want more. It was meandering a lot and even after 50K words, I’m left wondering what the story is actually about. It has a lot of routes it can go down to be compelling, but all of them would require it to end the overly long, repetitive sex scenes.

If I were to continue this story, I would have it go down the route of learning the elves are not as morally pure as they want you to think. Perhaps Eza realizes just how many people the elves killed in their wars and shutting down of all the technology. Then when the dwarves eventually attack the elves, she doesn’t care enough to help them. Maybe this angers the elves and so they try any way they can to reverse her transformation. They succeed and this takes away all her powers as well as Tristance’s spirit. Tristance had bonded so much with Eza that this devastates both of them and so Eza goes back for her. Would a character death for Tristance be a good thing to put here? I’m not sure, it’s certainly something to debate.

You could have more humans turning into elves due to activation of Fosforgust, and see how that shakes up human-elf relations. Maybe at the end Eza says to the Elders that the current system they have set up is unsustainable, and that some day in the future there will be an uprising of humans hellbent on their destruction. They can either change now, or face the consequences later. I’d still have Eza become a girl again at the end, but maybe not an elf. I think that’d be a nice subversion of how you’d expect this kind of story to go.

Is that how I think this story would’ve gone if it continued? No, but it’s fun to think about. As is, there’s not much here that makes me really want to know what happens next. The story has low stakes, low tension, and really drags as it goes on. The inherent cruelty of the world it sets up is never once examined, which creates a huge disconnect between the story and the reader. It replaces all semblances of plot with a bunch of sex scenes, which just become boring after a while. There’s a reason why erotic stories are usually less than 10K words long and only consist of one or two scenes. You can’t have an entire story revolve around sex scenes, it’s not sustainable.

Still, I would love to see it continue one day. However, that is extremely unlikely and the fact it’s unfinished without even being close to a conclusion makes it even harder to recommend than it already is. So overall, while I’m not going to say you should stay away from this story, I can’t say I recommend it either. 

Oh, one last thing. At the end of every chapter there’s a list of all the characters in the end notes. It’s a nice touch.

Rating: 5/10

The next story I’m reviewing is “My New Life as Jenni” by SuperBob. I hope it doesn’t take nearly as long to get there. Oh, and by the way you can take this post as a sign that after nearly a year of hiatus, I am finally back to writing. And I plan to finish what I started. Until then, have a good day!